The Death of 3rd Party Security Vultures and Such!

McAfee Inc., Trend Micro Inc., CA Inc. and especially Symantec, ... say goodnight! We are about to announce MS ForeFront 2.0!
Let me make it clear that while I have tolerated these "anti-virus" vendors for years, something about their very existence has not set very well with me. I mean, having a bunch of multi-million dollar companies that depend solely on there being bugs, leaks, holes, exploitables, mistakes, oversights and problems in Windows dosen't speak very well of Microsoft. They are like carrion, buzzards, jackels, ... protecting a rotten carcass from other smaller vermin. They always argue, "But, Bu-bu-but you need us!", maybe that was true in the past, but no longer!

VISTA IS BULLETPROOF!

None of these quacks bag of tricks are any longer necessary!
Between WGA and Forefront the OS and Genuine MS apps are totally impervious to attack! They are so secure that many times even the registered owners have trouble gaining access to the computer! So then how could any hacker?

These vultures will kick, choke and whine as the user-base realizes this truth, but I say good riddance, your success reflected badly on us anyway.

Castro Endorses Windows Vista!

"Hola' mis amigos, El Comandante en Jefe, Fidel Castro dice que él ama panorama y que pedirá la nación entera para utilizarla!!"

Many people didn't pick it up when Fidel endorsed Vista because during the same rambling speech he also endorsed Hillary Clinton. The Clinton stuff is all over the news, but the Vista endorsement was the real news to me.
I have noticed in the past that Communist states have more of an affinity for Microsoft products, I can't say exactly why but it is true. I have been to Vietnam, North Korea, China ... I guess I need to make plans for a trip to see El Comandante before he kicks off.

Oh yeah, the NK's are nothing like the media here presents them, they really crack me up, I mean, a whole country of armed Elvis impersonators! ... and boy, can they party.

Charlie Rose Should Just Shutup!

The other day this self-important toothpaste salesman journalist showhost eyebrow raiser interviewed me and some guy from Crisco Systems together, boy, was he annoying!
I'm pretty good at being evasive but this guy kept on point no matter what I said, ARGH! He just kept on asking:
"Soooo are you guys ganna' buy Yahoo?"
"Are you guys in talks with Yahoo?"
"Well-ah what about Yahoo?"
After Ali-class ducking and weaving, rope-a-doping, thrill'n 'n Manill'n .... I finally lost it and just yelled:
"If I were, I wouldn’t say anything, and if I weren’t, I wouldn’t say anything!"

To which he replied:
"Soooo, waddayah trying to say?"

At that point I just stopped speaking at all and just gave him the 'ol Ballmer-blank-stare .....

"Mistar Ballmer, Mistar Ballmer, **snap**snap are you there? Hellooooo, Helloooo ...."

After a minute or two he gave up, ignored me and just started to ask the Crisco guy:
"Soooo sir are you guys ganna buy Yahoo?"
I have to give it to the Crisco guy, he was pretty slippery .... all in all not that bad an interview.

"Attack of the Fake Bloggers" Says This site is #2?

At TechCrunch (a website I used to like) some guy named Dunk-can Really has written an article about fake bloggers assaulting people. I have personally never done such a thing myself. But, what chaps me is that he rated this website second on the internet. This guy thinks that that hack, "Frorbes lackey Copy-boy fake Jobs Lie-ons" somehow rates ahead of me! ME! he writes:

"I’ve been reading this fake blog longer than most on this list, and I’m yet to unsubscribe. It’s not as well written as its Steve Jobs equivalent, but it has the occasionally side splitting post. Probably the closest of the bunch to being a direct clone of Fake Steve."

FAKE?! - NOT WELL WROTTED ?!! - FUNNY ?!!! - CLONE !!!!
Darn! I'm mad! What has this guy been reading? -.-.-.-. Calming down

Dunk-can, go ahead, unsubscribe! You are not worthy to read this blog. That, or write an apology and retraction.

By the way this site is #1!

I Didn't Know they Used Linux and Macs So Much in the Carolinas!

I'm serious, you see this is the result when you have a philosophy of making everything soooo simple and easy! The complex should have to be figured out you see, as a society we are not helping people when we "Apple" things. Why would a computer with an interface that a 6 year old can use be considered good for an 18 year old?
This problem goes deep, we at MS are determined to solve it!

Mike Vick, ... Problem Solved!

Last year I had the privilage of meeting Vick after the Miami game. When he heard that I was in town he insisted on coming to meet me personally. He came to my box all sweaty and stink, babbling gibberish, acting all animanted like he was on some illegal substance. No problem though, I just pretended he was a MacUser.
To the point, I think Vick suffers from an addiction to "DFGS" dog fight gambling syndrome. He's a nice enough guy when he isn't crucifying dogs. I think I have a solution to his problem, he can get his fix yet stay legal:

ROBODOGS!

If the judge accepts my idea I will have some of our programers teach these things to fight each other! It's obviously possible, haven't you seen the film where they can play soccer, tag, bowling, ... Well if they can do that they can certainly maul each other, I can hear Mike yelling, "Rip out his hydraulics!" or "Ram that gyro boy!"
Instead of a pen in some ratty old barn, we could have them go at it on top of a MS Surface right in the den.
Seriously, I think Vick is the best QB I've ever seen, if this can fix the situation shouldn't we give it a shot.

ATTENTION - Vista Validation 0xC004C4A5 Errors - PLEASE READ (Or read the latest post for resolution steps)

At Microsoft we prefer the personal touch when it comes to solving problems!
We dug up Phil Liu (WGA PM). Turns out he missed the plane that all of the other WGA team members got on, he is working tirelessly on the problem and vows not to sleep until it is resolved. (even if he wanted to we wouldn't let him). Read his MS forum post:

"Folks:
I understand the frustration you all are going through. I'm investigating the issue right now.
I guarantee that we're working on this issue right now. For folks wondering, MACHINES ARE NOT SHUTTING DOWN with reduced functionality.
I guarantee that I will personally resolve this issue before I go to sleep - whether or not it is Tuesday I sleep. My goal is to identify a FIX for this issue - afterwards get you all what you are looking for, an explanation and cause.
The message from the Supportability team will be addressed appropriately as well. I encourage folks to keep an eye out on these forums.
I promise I will have an explanation and resolution as soon as humanly possible.

-Phil Liu @ Microsoft
Program Manager, WGA"

So for the next few days don't believe this:
ArsTechnica Exaggerates Problem:
"Windows Genuine Advantage suffers worldwide outage, problems galore (updated)"
Sheesh!

Gates to be Replaced by Top-notch Team!

Bill will be totally out of the picture next year, he did a great job!
A Billy cannot be replaced, so his position will be split up between Ray Ozzie and that other guy, arround the office we just call him TOG. I can never remember his name, he's the type of guy whose face you can't remember. It dosen't matter though, he's a smart guy who always agrees with me at board meetings. When asked a question he always responds "Let's see what Steve thinks about it".
Oz isn't quite as smart as TOG but he's getting there.

Bill you will be sorely missed, but there will be "changes" when you leave and having TOG arround will be helpful.

WGA servers down, Millions can't register Windows, NO PROBLEM!

We are sending out this email to those few complaining:

"Thank you for your response.

I’m sorry to inform you that the Windows Genuine server might be down for few days. We have escalated the issue to our Genuine team, kindly try to validate again on Tuesday 28 Aug 2007.

Thank you for contacting Microsoft Technical Support."

The geeks in the basement took the weekend off and left the system in auto-entry mode. It crashed about 6 hours after they were all on a plane for the Maldieves. However, there is no need to worry, we have thought of everything! Simply do not restart your computer until they get back, if you do and are running Vista your license will be invalidated and your account will be charged $72.34 (in some cases this can be waived).

Not to worry though, Vista is designed to run for 6 months without the need for any restarts, making the whole thing a huge non-issue.
All of the haters out there are criticising us about this little glitch, but!!! What other company has such a Rock Solid OS that the shutdown of their entire validation server farm would have such a miniscule effect on the user base?

That's why I LOVE THIS COMPANY!

iPhone Unlocked, Hacked, FREED from ATT! Next step is to install WinCE! (Windows Mobile)

iPhoneSimFree has successfully unlocked the iPhone, freeing the hundreds of people who have bought one from the dominance of ATT! Apple's software is usually so weak, I was wondering what was taking the team so long. They list these benefits:

Chose the provider you want, use any SIM card from any network provider
No more outrageous roaming charges
Poor network coverage no longer an issue
Save money!

Next, they will figure out how to reformat one of these things and install WinMobile, make it a decent phone!

New Vista Version Coming!

I told the marketing folk long ago that Vista needed to have five versions not four! But, being the easy-going, no-waves guy I am I let it slide, I let the "experts" have their way.
RESULTS:
Anemic, sluggish, weak, poohpooh sales!
I will no longer sit by and let this continue! Per my executive order 31148V.101 we will add to the Vista line-up - "Vista 2X Super Ultra Turbo-Ultimate". SUTU (as I call it) will include 33% of all of the modern architecture features that we originally promised for Longhorn 3 years ago but dropped from the final version.

"Vista 2X Super Ultra Turbo-Ultimate" SUTU includes:

Dynamic Core Desktop Acceleration - DCDA
LiveTime Animotron Technology - LtAM
Windows Interscope Code Manager - WICM
The zLife Suite of applications:
StudioBand - Record up to 4 tracks of music.
zPicture - Your JPG photo manager
zWeb - Create Beautiful text webpages
zMelodies - A new skin for Mediaplayer making it a zApp
zFilm - Video editing for any WMV file

All of this Tech-goodness for just $699!
..... and it comes in a RED box.

1,832 CasinoSurface Computers Headed to Vegas!

Our first major order for commercial surface computers has been completed!
The Sans, Balagio, MGM Grand, and Ceasar's have all ordered a total of 1832 custom configured CasinoSurfaces ($327,986.43 each)! This marks the beginning of a new era for big gambling.
I can't wait until next year when they are all fully functional and up. Each machine can run any of several games for the house: Porker, Craps, Roulette, Blackjack, ... all without dealers! Just plunk down your credit card and recieve virtual chips!
Best of all (dependent on the game being played) the odds to the house and player are garunteed! No more a game of pure chance, the computer will always calculate correctly! The house will be gauranteed only so much loss per night! Players can be assured of no cheating!
Craps anyone?

One More for the Ladies! (San Franciscans too)

I took a few pictures on Bill's desk too, this is the first time they have been seen in public. Drool away ladies, just remember I'm spoken for. Sorry Toki.

Clowns to the left of me, traitors to the right ....

Remember that movie, "Willard", he trains an army of rats that eventually turn on him?
They are led by Ben and Socrates: fat, stinky, maladjusted, nasty, illtempered, fickle rats who just can't be pleased. Well, lately I have been feeling a little Willardy, you see some of the head fat, stinky, maladjusted, nasty, illtempered, fickle rats who just can't be pleased have been turning on MS just because they have had a few minor problems with Vista. The rats:
BEN - Jim Louderhack (uncerimoniously dismissed editor of PCWorld) took his parting shot;
"So why, nine months after launch, am I so frustrated? The litany of what doesn't work and what still frustrates me stretches on endlessly."
SOCRATES - James Shallows (Poorly attried National Correspondent for The Atlantic Monthly) says he is going back to XP;
"...I said that users should wait to buy new computers until the new version of Windows, Vista, was available -- and that "of course" they should buy Vista-equipped machines once they could. That was wrong. I apologize."

My response, in the words of imortal Willard himself;

"You're trying to take my house. You made a fool of me in front of everybody. You made me hate myself. I thought about it a lot, hating myself. Well right now, at this moment, I LIKE myself."

To the Microsoft faithful I say, to the forums, man you blogs, "Tear 'em up! muahahahahaha"

G. Ou at his best! Like I said I love this guy!

George Ou has written what is definitely the most creative article of his career:
"Vista puts Mac OS X font rendering to shame!"
He shows a direct comparison of a few letters from a screenshot on a Mac then compares it blown up 300% compared to the same in Vista. Ou's process is veeerry scientific and takes all types of factors into consideration. The end result is the reversal of what the vast majority of everyone in the desktop publishing field has thouight they knew since the begining of time. He proves that Windows renders fonts much better than Macs.
I admit that even I was taken in by this myth, George is a genius!

I'm thinking of "directly" hiring this guy.
Great work George, even Paul Throatrott has ever even gone this far to show the superiority of Windows!

Bill Gates, Polls Say Still on the List of Top Ten Sexiest Men in the World!

This one is for you Toki:

By the way, I came in at #13!

My worst nightmare averted! Jobs says No to OSX running on non-Apple PCs! WHEW!

I admit it, for a while there I was scared that Jobs was going to announce that their next candy-coated OSX (Leotard) would run on any PC hardware! My fears were abated when I heard him say this:

“Our goal is to make the best personal computers in the world and make products we are proud to sell and recommend to our family and friends. .... But there’s some stuff in our industry that we wouldn’t be proud to ship. And we just can’t do it. We can’t ship junk,.... There are thresholds we can’t cross because of who we are. And we think that there’s a very significant slice of the [market] that wants that too. ... We don’t offer stripped-down, lousy products.”

THANK GOODNESS he still has a bad attitude like that and it sounds like he will never change! I hope he stays CEO of Apple forever.

Monkey-Boy Conspiracy pt. 3, Chair Chucking

Another part in this whole thing where Microsoft's enemies try to portray me as an out-of-control maniac is the perjured testimony of two disgruntled exemployees, Kai-Fu Lie and Mark Liecovsky. They claimed that when I discovered their backstabbing treachery in leaving MS for other companies:
"Mr. Ballmer said: 'Just tell me it's not Google'. At that point, Mr. Ballmer picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office, then launched into a tirade about Google CEO Eric Schmidt. "I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google."

Absolutely anyone who knows me knows that this is a total lie for several reasons:
1. I never use any profanity stronger than "dang it, dog-gone, darn and shoot!"
2. I don't even know who the CEO of Gaggle is.
3. I have never thrown a chair, all of the chairs in my office are bolted down, so there!

Let me reiterate #3, every last chair in my office is bolted to the floor! Why? Well that is something I will explain at a later date, but I think all of you are beginning to get the idea, our enemies will go to any lengths to disparage my dog-gone reputation and I am darn tired of it!

Sorry to lose my temper like that.

Fake Steve Ballmer Rules!

IPhone! - Hahahahahahaha $500! Fully subsidized!

IPhone! - Hahahahahahaha $500! Fully subsidized!
If that isn’t the most expensive phone in the world and it does not even appeal to business customers because it doesn’t even have a keboard, which makes it not a very good e-mail machine! It may sell well or not, I don’t know, but we have our plan and I like it very much. We have great windows mobile devices in the market today. We have the Motorola phone for just $99, it will play pong, it will do e-mail, do internet, …..
I like our strategy I like it a lot!

MS Flight Simulator 2008 ROCKS!

IT'S FREE! **
I tried it out myself, I kept crashing, spinning out of control, ditching, .... but it was fun. As a bonus the new software includes a whole new range of weapons including nukes, it was sooo realistic! My favorite part was taking out Cupertino!


**Purchase of 1000+ Vista Ultimate licenses required

NASA prepares for moon mission--under water!

I was just browsing the news about me at CNet when I saw this article about how astronauts are preparing to live on the moon by living in an underwater labortory!
WOW, I had no idea that there was water on the moon!
I was so embarassed, I showed the story to Wellington, he said "Yes sir, I think I have heard that before".
The article is a fascinating read, all about how to deal with the moon-fish, lunar-currents, floating and lack of air. I am sure that the systems on-board the station are Vista driven.
Man, I wonder how a moon-crab would taste?

I Like This One!

Fake Steve Who Rules?

lol

Saint Mozilla Baker, don't make me gagh!

Ms. Baker, explaining why Netscape and all of that crap is free recently wrote:

"To start with, we want to create a part of online life that is explicitly NOT about someone getting rich. We want to promote all the other things in life that matter -- personal, social, educational and civic enrichment for massive numbers of people. Individual ability to participate and to control our own lives whether or not someone else gets rich through what we do. We all need a voice for this part of the Internet experience. The people involved with Mozilla are choosing to be this voice rather than to try to get rich."

What a total pile of garbage!
By the way Moz, what is your salary? Are you as poor as all of the other Netscape users? Do you live in a trailer? Do you and your people take a vow of poverty (as implied)?
Whenever I read about these type people claiming to be "sacrificing" for the good of the public, I KNOW there is some kind of a con going on!
C'mon!
We all know why the Mozilla Foundation is (gag) non-profit (gag), you know that nobody would pay you much anyway, so you spare yourself the embarassment of accounting and claim to be Saint Mozilla.
Give me a break!

Is it any wonder that their logo is a dinosaur!

Pauly Drops by - Surprise visit! I get together wit cool stars all the time!

Muh man Pauly Shore came by duh crib to flop n' chill da'odda day maaaan.
Hope I said that right, you see that's how I have to talk when I hang with some of my Hollywood "peeps". Pauly is one happ'nin guy, we have a good time. He keeps calling me "Mista B", I won't allow anyone else to do it though (maybe Paris, Tom, Ricky or Jet).
We played mine sweeper on the surface kitchen counter computer for hours, the kids love him too.
His phone rang, then he pulled this iPhone out of his pocket, he started to answer it when he saw the look of revulsion on my face, "AWH! Man, who put dat in dar!" he then threw it to the floor then started stomping it! lol, "You wanna take a wack too Mista B?" lol, "No, you finnish it off Pauly".
As he left "duh crib" Pauly remembered that he left his Plat'num card back in San-Fran, "can I cop about 50-large your B-shipness, got a little shoppin ta do fo' I get on to da crib", laughing I said, "cash or check again?" He threw his arms waaayy out and said, "cash is sooo large, check will be jest snaz!" I laughed and told Wellington to cut him the check.
As he was on his way out the door, one of the guys from his entourage in the bus ran over and gave me this autographed picture!
Whew! We had such a good time, it's so good to have friends like "dat", lol.

Corporate Fake Corporate CEO Fake Blog? No Way!

Fake Steve is moving to his employer's domain to blog there, huh?
Dan Lyons can blog there but can a fake Steve Jobs? Let's admit it, this won't work! Sorry I wish it would, but it won't for various reasons:

1. How can you be fake when you are not?
2. Paid, free, candid, risky, - all contradictory.
4. Editors
5. Lawyers

Dan Jobs, - Steve Lyons, - Deve Jyons, - San Lobs, WHATEVER his name is, will be a total waste of time.
Now who? Who? Who, remains pure as the driven snow?

--Ahem, cough, cough, wink ...

Why I liked 300! Great Movie!

As I was watching the 300 I realized that what the producers were really doing was a metaphor of technology today. Think about it ...

THE NERVE!

I took out some of my precious personal time and tried to help the iTards at Tidbits.com, I sent a message to their boards:

"FSJ is toast!
People now realize that this Copy-Boy was a huge fraud perpetrated on them by Frorbes, Angst had it right, read the fake Steve Ballmer website, it's faaaarrr more entertaining, accurate, informative ...."

These people sent an email back to me rejecting this message!
Well Mr. Kissel, Mr Angst! You want to keep your subscribers in the dark, or maybe you are afraid of THE TRUTH!
If you are righteously outraged by this snub of me, write these wannabes and voice your utter disgust of their tactics and narrow-mindedness!

However, Mr. Angst, you can redeem yourself by doing any two of the following:
1. Post everything I have sent.
2. Link my blog on your front page for a year.
3. Send a letter of apology to all of your subscribers.
4. Publicly denounce all non-MS software.
5. Have Angst resign

.... Geting back on my good side will be just that easy, "For I am Kind!"

How could 90% of the population be wrong?

I was in my Architect's office the other day when I overheard a conversation between an engineer and the office copy-boy:
CB - "Chuck, did you see the video of the new software from Apple, it really rocks!"
Chuck - "Nah, I'm not interested in any of that crap"
CB - "but, but, but it made this stuff we use here look primitive ..."
Chuck - "Look CB, you have to face reality, it's a Microsoft world out there! How can sooo many people be wrong? The majority uses Windows because it is the best, anything else can only cause problems"
CB - "So you believe that the majority is always right?"
Chuck - "Ofcourse they are, it's obvious"

Don't be a weirdo like the copy-boy! All of your friends use Windows, you should too. Haven't you noticed that the Mac-guys are always the drooling goofballs with high-water pants, plaid shirts and zits. For you and your children's sake don't let this continue.

How to really make an iMac PERFECT!

I admit it, the iMac is one impressive piece of hardware!
Why the heck HP, Dell, Compac, Leveno, Matel, Sony.... can't make a computer this sleek, beautiful and powerful is beyond me.
HOWEVER, as nice as this computer seems to be it has one huuugggeee flaw, THE SOFTWARE! These things come with some lame Vista rip-off OS installed! This is simply unacceptable.
MY ANSWER!
Wipe the harddrive and install Vista Ultimate, this thing should really purr with a bonafied MS OS installed! Imagine how well this thing would run Publisher, Paint, Access, the clock, Fax Viewer or Command Prompt! I felt so strongly about this that I called Jobs (the real one) himself and told him that Apple should abandon all of this "X" and "i" stuff and just make hardware like the other regular computer companies, let Microsoft worry about software, the developement savings would be tremendous!
My answer was about 30 seconds of silence (bad iPhone connection), then he said, "uh, well, ummm thanks for the suggestion Mr Ballmer, I'll take it under advisement and give it all due consideration".

You know, Jobs may not be as dumb as I thought.

Microsoft Fracturing the Open-Source Community?

Mark Shuttleswrath, iconic Linux cult leader and famous space cadet claims that:
"Microsoft has succeeded in fracturing the Linux and open-source community with the patent indemnity agreements it has entered into with several prominent vendors ... blah blah blah"
Correction "Mr. Spock", in order to fracture something, dosen't it have to have some type of unity in the first place? You guys are "Open Source", that means that anything goes! The only thing that you guys have in common is that your stuff is cheap, ugly and consistently confusing.
Be glad that we show any interest in any of this stuff, you see when you guys sign "contracts" with us it stops us from suing you into oblivion over the 235 unspecified patent violations in Linux. Convince your little buddies to sign up now, my patience is running out.

Adam Angst asked the question, I answer:

"The real question is, will 'The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs' remain a must-read now that Fake Steve has been unmasked? Or will readers jump ship for the Fake Steve Ballmer or the Fake Bill Gates?- Tidbits#891/06-Aug-07
The answer is YES, yes indeed they will jump ship, head for the hills, get outta' Dodge, vamanos muchacho, amscray, hightail it,.... it has already started Mr. Angst. Bill is on vacation, FSB aka "Copy-Boy" is going to "Frorbes"(who is gonna read that crap). I, only I am the last bastion of truth and sanity in this digital age! GOD (see 3 post below) has chosen me and YOU will follow! None of this is happenstance, it is divine providence, don't fight it, go with the flow.

Copy-Boy, is real Fake Steve Jobs! The story you won't hear anywhere else, THE TRUTH!

Just got back the report from our operatives at Forbes, it's funny!
This guy who it turns out is the Fake Steve Jobs (Dan Lyons) around the office is known as "Copy-Boy". You see he is "Senior Editor in charge of inter-office spell check and distribution", lol in other words the copy-boy!
Everybody at Forbes gives themselves some kind of impressive label, but gets paid squat. Why do you think he:
1. Tried to sell tee-shirts on the site.
2. Tried to sell readers for spam info.
3. Used those cheap "you have won" ads everywhere.
4. Admitted who he was sooo quickly, (just one phone call)
Forbes office has 2364 employees, 1976 of them are "Senior Editors", including the "Senior Editor in Charge of Night Security". lol.
You people have been reading Copy-Boy Blog! I admit though, he even had me going there for a while.
COVER-UP UNDERWAY!
By the time Copy-Boy's bosses are done he will have a pretty impressive resume.Congratulations Copy-Boy, they are moving you upstairs, getting your own secretary, six figure salary, office with a bar, executive washroom privileges, .....
I hope you and your little X-Fake blog can increase traffic to the Forbes.com creaky 'ol ship website, if you don't (as I suspect) say hello to the basement. lol

FAKE STEVE BUSTED! LONG LIVE FAKE STEVE BALLMER!

I told you people that this would happen, this iTard has been busted!
I will be gracious though, he was slightly entertaining, but it's over now.
FSJ is DEAD!
Who do you look to now? Where is the mystery? Where? Where?
Hmmmm, how about right here, I promise they will NEVER find me! Besides I tell the truth.
Mourn FSJ if you must, just not too long, we have work to do!

GOD Spoke to me Last Night!

It's hard to explain, many of you will not believe, but I've got to tell it anyway.
Last night just after Wellington tucked the kids in and retired for the evening, I decided to go to the south spa alone. As I passed through the Teal-room I began to feel woozy, with nothing to catch ahold of I fell "splat" onto the room's surface-computer, my body face down atop it. I don't know how long I was there, but when I opened my eyes there he was! I was frozen, couldn't speak, it was sooo beautiful words fail. Then the scene changed and I saw a lush green meadow with rolling hills and a gorgeous blue wisp cloudy sky, I could have stayed there forever!
Next everything went blank, then it appeared, I was stunned, I had no idea, ... there was a Microsoft Vista logo floating in front of me, it glowed and moved ever so slowly, I was captivated, enthralled, what doe's this mean? What is HE trying to tell me? Unable to speak or move I thought, "speak master, I will obey". At that moment everything went a brilliant blinding blue! In that sea of blue I saw these words, "ERROR, ERROR, ERROR, ERROR, ....." It was everywhere! I cried, "error is everywhere, there must be an answer, show me the way ... your way!" Then the answer came "CONTROL - DELETE ERROR" Then the floating Vista Logo reappeared, the meadow came back!
BOOM! I saw sparks, lightning, smoke, sooo glorious, such power!
At that point I blacked out again, the next thing I knew I was in my bed, Wellington holding my hand, my kids aside me, several security personnel running about, the grounds medic removing bandages from my face.
"Don't scare us like that again daddy" Charity said.
I responded, "everything is fine baby, Daddy has never felt better, I know my purpose in life now!"

Office for Mac Delayed until ....... let me get back to you on that.

I love keeping a couple of pet Macfanboys arround just for comedic relief. You see they think they are sooo friggin smart, tech-aware, neuvo-now, wit-it, ..... But what they really are is just pets! I refer to that group of MacDweebs in MacBU, lol, MacBU, gimme a break. We pay them half-scale but they still show up smiling every morning. Real MS employees shun them, they don't get it. We leave them out of key meetings, company BBQ's, parties, strategy sessions, 401k plans, dental (obviously). But they still say, "it's a wonderful place to work", lol, they really crack me up. I have been testing these iTards limits for years, but they won't quit! Very entertaining.
The latest thing I did was to tell Craig Eisler (their "leader") to delay Mac Office 2008 a few months, he just smiled and said "yassa missa Ballmass", then I said "put out a memo where you take credit for the delay", he was only too happy to. I love having these people arround! What next?

Apple stock dropping like a comet, reality setting in! (Jobs said to be in fetal position under desk)

I warned you people, Apple has been held up by pure hype! They have defied gravity looooong enough, they are almost as bad as that non-company Gaggle! The Bible says "Come out of her my people", you see Apple is the Babylon of technology, all shiney stuff but no real content or depth. Sell while you can, ditch this - you know. Buy Microsoft and forget all of this volitility, we grow nice, steady, slow, no surprises or rumors of world changing stuff.