NBC CEO Jeff Zucker to Lead iTunes Insurgency!

I am so glad that Jeff came out of the closet with this! Apple has everyone in the media business running scared! Finally Jeff Zucker stands up to these itards during a speech at the Syracuse Newhouse School of Communications where he urged media companies to take a stand against Apple. He said:
"We know that Apple has destroyed the music business -- in terms of pricing -- and if we don't take control, they'll do the same thing on the video side."
He said that all he asked Jobs for was control over the pricing of HIS products and a cut of the iPod sales profits, Jobs just barked at him:
"NO! Get thee behind me Satan!"
That ripped it for Jeff! Now he is organizing the rest of the media and software companies in an attempt to overthrow the tyrants!
He called me this morning,
- I gave him my unqualified support! 0
- Accepted the postion of Chief of Information Dissemination.
- Offered the ZuneMedia store to him where he can charge as much as he likes!
- Even told him he could have 15% of Zune sales!

I'm proposing that we call this the ALO (Apple Liberation Organization).
I'm ready to scale the ramparts with a broken Bourbon bottle in hand screaming, "DOWN WITH APPLE! DOWN WITH iTUNES! Vive la Zucker! Vive la Zucker!"

OOOOOH! I AM SOOOO MAD RIGHT NOW!!!!

A Debate Over Fake Persona Blogs?

Who are you calling Fake?
Let me ask you, what is more fake:
A "journalist" (working on commission) who spends his time trying to write about boring events while trying to put an interesting twist on them so that people actually care to read any of it?
OR:
A CEO (or impostor) who wishes to speak the truth about current events so he assumes a fake persona of himself to spread an insider's view of events as they actually are?

Who do you trust more, the guy trying to sell soap or the guy trying to tell truth through satire?

That's why I'm not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me!


Links:
Accidentally on purpose: Fake CEO Blogs / Real Entertainment?

MercuryNews.com: Tech Notebook: Tech's latest growth industry -- fake CEO blogs

TechCrunch: Attack of The Fake Bloggers

Seatlepi.com: Fake Steve Ballmer, and other blogs of note

FSB READERS! A VERY SPECIAL OFFER!

The zLife Suite of zApps and Windows SUTU (Super Ultimate Turbo Ultra) are nearing completion. We will soon start a very short Beta test of the entire package, so the NTN's (nasal-toned-nerds) we keep in the basement called me up and asked,
"Hello, m-m-Mr. Ballmer, we just wanted to know what your criteria is for the beta testers, sir, Mr. Ballmer sir",
I just pinched my nose and blew them off,
"I'll get back to you freaks lay-tah!"
they said excitedly,
"yu-yu-you ah gonna' call us'n! y-y-YES Sir! Mr. Ballmer sir! We a be waiting sir, Mr. Ballmer sir!"

The Beta is SUTU and the zLife Suite of zApps:
StudioBand - Record up to 4 tracks of music.
zPicture - Your JPG photo manager
zWeb - Create Beautiful text webpages
zMelodies - A new skin for Mediaplayer making it a zApp
zFilm - Video editing for any WMV file

As a special treat to you my loyal docile readers, I'm limiting this Beta Test to you guys exclusively!
I figure, who else would be so cutting edge as the people who read this blog!

All you have to do is leave your e-mail address in the comments to this post and I will have the NTN's contact you personally with the details!

Hey, Haters! - MS Profits up 35% for the Quarter!

What kinda job do you iTards, lame-brains, nitwits, Linux fans, mormons, liars and MS-Bashers think I'm doing now? I am being heralded, regaled, praised, congratulated and cheered all over the Internet! You people who still doubt me can "eat my stained shorts!"
I don't mean to gloat, but this has been a looong time coming!
They public has vindicated me and my management style and philosophies; to you all I say thank you, you will be rewarded for sticking with us and our innovative, leading edge products and services!
I pledge to use these extra billions in a holy war against our competition and to reign in those companies that support them and their disruptive technologies!

It has been my humble pleasure serving you and our partners!
FSB

Latest MS AutoUpdate Bogging Down Your Computer? NO. It's Just Us Helping

We have been inundated with complaints about the latest system update installing itself without notification or permission.
Our WDS Blog explains the situation:

"WDS revision update, expanded applicability rules, auto-approve revisions
Some customers have reported that update package for KB917013 was being deployed to WSUS clients without having approved the update for installation on their WSUS servers. The original update release, released February 2007 as an optional update, was only applicable on systems which had a version of Windows Desktop Search installed. The recent update Revision 105, had the applicability logic expanded to be applicable to all systems regardless if a prior version of Windows Desktop Search was installed, IF of course, approved in the WSUS Administrative UI or via Administrator-set auto-approval rules.

The initial update would have only been installed if the update had been either auto, or manually approved, and if the applicability criteria was met on the client (that WDS was installed). For some customers, because the original update was approved for install, but because of the previous applicability rules to apply only to clients which had WDS installed, the update was not actually installed.

So what happened with this revision and why did it seemingly deploy itself to all systems in my environment? WSUS by default is set to auto-approve update revisions to minimize administrative overhead and make sure distribution “just works”. Keeping in mind, revisions are only titled as such, when metadata or applicability rules of an update package change, never the binaries. Revisions are also of course only auto-approved via this setting, if the original update is approved."

What you think is happening is not happening:
"With the expanded applicability rules, and the WSUS default setting to auto-approve new revisions, it may have appeared as if this update was deployed without approval. The initial version of the update would have had to have been approved, and the “auto-approve revisions” option on (by default) in order for this revision to have also been approved and deployed."

I hope that clears everything up.
(Just let the thing run, reindex your drive and network. Go on vacation, don't use the computer for a day or two. When you get back everything will be just fine.)

Dang! I'm Good! - FaceBookies Take the Dough!

There is a lot I could say, but I'll just let this picture say it for me!

Apple Getting Close to Protocol 666a!

Everywhere I look there is only good news for Apple:

Leopold Record Pre-orders!
iMac Sales off the charts!
IPod Sales Still on Rise!
Newton Slate in Development!
Stock Price climbing weekly!
New Stunning MacPro Coming!
Laptop Sales Growing!
Apple market-share over 8%
Yada yada yada ......

All I can say is "watch yourself Mr. Jobs!"
Why?
Well here at MS we have had Protocol 666a in place for the last 12 years, it reads thusly:

"Any competing company which threatens the MS business model by exceeding 10% OS market-share and/or having quarterly revenues exceeding 25% of MS quarterly revenues shall be targeted for elimination for market contention by any means necessary. Said company being....”

Protocol 666a is built into all of our systems and business models and is implemented automatically whenever the offending companies trip it! Apple is getting close! I'm a nice guy though and am formally issuing this warning, "tone down your growth Mr. Jobs, by that I mean your OS! If you value your pretty little candy coated company that is, you haven't seen us get ugly yet!"

The ManPink Zune2 is HOT! - Pink is the New Black!

Microsoft is blazing the way here, pink is seen as gay, weak, sissy, ....etc.
But they are all wrong! When I was a kid I had to hide my love of pink, but we have realised that it is just another color, pink is good! Powerful! SEXY! So we introduced the ManPinK Zune. Let's take pink back guys!
Think about it, some of my favorite things are the same color as this Zune!
How can that be bad? Unmanly?
Oh yeah!

PopFly+Silverlight makes Flash Obsolete!

At the web 2.0 thingy we gave a preview of "Microsoft Online Composition Media Aggregation Layout Toolset", at the time I wasn't exactly 100% so I couldn't remember the name, so I just told them it was named PopFly. I don't know what made made say that name, but it has gone over well.
So, PopFly! PopFly! PopFly!
Adobe has been an annoyance to me for years, we have tried everything we could to dislodge them but they just keep cranking out good products. We even tried a few sabotage .dll's, but they always figure it out in no time at all and issue a patch.
But I think we now have the right Combination, PopFly and Silverlight. Here's my plan:

Those companies who will not adopt these technologies will be "downlisted" at MS.
IE8 will require it's installation.
The booby-trap .dll's will come out weekly.
Adobe will be marginalized!

It's a beautiful day at Microsoft!

"We are taking an Independent Path ...."

The Web 2.0 Conference proved to the world that I am sooo good that I am still an amazing speaker even after having had 5 martinis. I do not personally recall saying any of this, but according to all of the news sites I was fantastic and animated! They say I said:
"We are taking an Independent Path ...."
The host then asked, "Sir, you are #1, a monopoly, who will you be independent of? That makes no sense."
I explained, "If at some point it makes sense, maybe then it makes sense. But that's not where we are going. We are driving in an independent direction, when we get to where we are going we will know we are there, 'cause that's where we went!" I said a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff!
Then someone mentioned that some of the people on stage with me were from Google, I raised my hand and screamed “Let me tell you guys a little story!”

“You're just 3 years old, and we've got you in there playing basketball with a 12-year-old,” I gushed and gesticulated, nearly popping out of my seat. “You're growing up quick and getting better every day, and you've got all the potential in world, and it may take you 'til you're 7, 8, 9 or 10, but you're gonna dunk and you're gonna dunk on the other guy some day, Johnny.”
The sold-out crowd of hundreds erupted in laughter _ then guffawed when the host guy, made a similar parallel, comparing the Zune with the iPod. He said:
“Wait, I think we were talking about the Zune,” the host guy quipped.

(Nobody quips on me!)
I then stood to my feet, pointed all around me at everybody on stage and said,
“We are Microsoft! You are wannabes! Remember dat!”
Then to thunderous applause, I stomped off stage!

Next thing I knew I was here typing this post 8 hours latter. I ROCK BABY! Yeah!

Dali Lama Imparts Enlightenment Blessing Upon MicroSoft Campus!

The most Enlightened and Spiritual Dali Lama stopped by the Redmond Campus just before going on to Seattle.
I headed the delegation to welcome his Lamaness to our most unworthy dwellings. I have to tell you that I was impressed by this little guy, he didn't even ask for money! He and his delegation of guys in wool sheets just kinda sauntered into the lobby and started waving those incense things all around. I wasn't sure how to approach him so I got down on my knees and crawled over to him. He just serenely said to me, "arise my humble son". Unfortunately, as I was arising, my cuff link got all tangled up in the raggedy edge of his red wool sheet and I hadn't noticed. So when I stood the edge of the sheet came up with me!
It was a little embarrassing, just let me say that the high and lofty enlightened one does not have anything on under the wool sheet and raggedy wool doesn't unravel easily. Fortunately TOG (that other guy) was crawling behind me and whipped out a Swiss Army knife, he gave it to me and I cut the wool off.
The other red sheeted guys then did some kinda dance in circles around us, while His Lamaness and I just stood there and smiled at each other (if I didn't know better I would think he was holding back from laughing). After a few minutes they all just kinda floated back out to their limousines.
As they drove off he waved to me and said "Namaste my humble son", I couldn't think of anything else at the moment so I did that Vulcan hand thing at him and said "live long and prosper". He covered his mouth, rolled up the tinted windows and drove off.

It was quite an experience! The lobby still smells like burnt Azaleas.

Another good YouTube Video! Uses for a bricked iPod!

hehehehehe ... gotta love it.

iPhone Contains Cyanide! Bromide! Formaldahyde! RAW SEWAGE! --Handle carefully!

Our friends at GreenPeace have once again outed Apple as a "toxic polluter of note"!
... and where is their pollution? In you pocket! That's right, right there! If you are one of the rubes who was unfortunate enough to buy one of these DeathPhones that is!

Missed call: the iPhone's hazardous chemicals
The concerned citizens at GreenPeace ask:
"When will promises of a greener Apple bear fruit?"

See the complete report here!

As a concerned citizen, a father, a member of Mankind! I implore Apple to stop the ravaging of our planet, the fish kills, the species endangering, the wanton disregard for the health and welfare of our families, Just for a phone! A stupid phone with bodily fluids smeared all over it from all that unsanitary "touching"!
..."We recomend that you wrap it in recycled paper, put it outside, then call your counties' Hazmat team!"

Join with our friends at GreenPeace, stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! C'mon! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! C'mon! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! ....

Be Earth-Friendly, buy a Zune or the soon coming ZuP

At Microsoft We Love A Good Challenge!

Over at ZDnet.com, their EECT (Executive Editor in Charge of Trolling) David Berlind wrote this:

Open challenge to Microsoft’s Robbie Bach: If Zune is #2 after X-Mas, I’ll shave my head!
After Christmas I believe Zune will be #1 so this is a pretty safe bet!
Say goodbye to the curly locks Davey-boy! (What a dope!)

ZunePhone Getting Closer, Closer, Closer, ....

ZunePhone, ZunePhone, ZunePhone, ZunePhone, ........
That's all I seem to hear from everybody where ever I go! As I told you people back in July, "ZunePhone is getting closer!" It's closer than it was back then by several months.
I can confirm that among the massive feature list of the "ZuP" (as I like to call it) will be:

4g Network capability
FM Radio
Clock
Lo-res GPS
Terra-Server DirectAccess
WhisperPhone Technology
Volume Control
SilverLight Animation
IE 8 (Light Edition)
IndirectBuy Technology
Micropedia

The list goes on and on and on .......
That's why it's taking us so long, we are doing this the Microsoft way! RIGHT!
Sure Apple sent over their little snitches and sneak-thieves and stole our ZuP Alpha Mock ups (which they used to make the iPhone), but we will let that slide.

Get the "Real Thing!" Zup! Coming closer, closer, closer, closer, clo...........

iPods Can Double as Personal Flame-Throwers!

After Danny Williams of Douglasville Ga. reported that his iPod shot a 2' column of flames through his pocket, I became intrigued!
Could the iPod be another power source for weapons, industry, cooking or space travel? I therefore instructed the guys at our labs to reproduce the event reported by Mr. Williams, it took a while but indeed they did! It took a forensic examination of Danny's iPod before they figured it out. The answer still raises the question of why but the results are undeniable!

How did we do it?

Mr. William's iPod had 666 songs on it, the last three being "Jungle Love", "radar Love" and "Unchain my Love".
The order must be exact! It seems that while Mr. Williams was working he bumped the iPod which started to play Radar Love. For some reason this causes the iPod to shoot flames up to 48" for anywhere from 8 to 20 seconds (on 22.5% of them it worked twice!).

Please do not try this at home, we have released this information as a public service for the protection of the public. The report is being forwarded to the EPD, OSHA, NSA, FBI, CDC and Homeland Security.
Our research continues.

IP Innovation and Eolas to wipe Linux out of existence!

The official company line is that:

"... we have absolutely nothing to do with IP Innovation filing a patent suit against against Linux vendor Redhat. The fact that ex-Microsoft executives recently took over running the company and that CEO Ballmer recently suggested that they and Eolas should sue Redhat out of existence is totally coincidental! Anyone alledging such may be subject to legal retaliation, whereas Microsoft values it's reputation in the marketplace."

However the purpose of this blog is to give me the freedom to tell the truth, so here it is:
I personally instructed these companies to sue Redhat and any other company that peddles Linux, Unix, whateverix!
Winning the suit has nothing to do with it, IP rights has nothing to do with it, money has nothing to do with it! What this is all about is control of the desktop! Microsoft controls the desktop, nobody else! (Apple's 6-7% is just a nuisance and is tolerated so we can tell all of these anti-monopoly judges that we do have competition.)

Why Eloas is taking sooo long is annoying me, but I will give them until Christmas.
We just "settled" a 7 year suit Eolas had against us with the stipulation that they were to do the "fair thing" and sue all of the LinuxFreaks. I gave them $30.4 Million (that's 3 time more than we gave SCO), they need to get the lead out!
Nothing slows down development on a platform like LITIGATION, lol, you never know if you are totally wasting your time.

I love being CEO!

Bill on Zune!

The Dvorak Conspiracy Debunked!

A photo of me and John taken in '04, what 'cha got to say now haters?

Dan Lie-ons, Blog Hater! (In case you forgot)

The hypocrisy is stink'n up the entire blogsphere!
Remember, Dan Lie-ons (fakestevejobs) wrote this story for Frobes and was widely ridiculed. The story speaks for it self:

"2005- In the Forbes Cover Story “Attack of the Blogs”
- by Dan Lyons

"Web logs are the prized platform of an online lynch mob spouting liberty but spewing lies, libel and invective. Their potent allies in this pursuit include Google and Yahoo.
...............
Blogs started a few years ago as a simple way for people to keep online diaries. Suddenly they are the ultimate vehicle for brand-bashing, personal attacks, political extremism and smear campaigns…
The online haters have formidable allies amplifying their tirades to a potential worldwide audience of 900 million: Google, Yahoo and Microsoft…Google and other services operate with government-sanctioned impunity, protected from any liability for anything posted on the blogs they host. Thus they serve up vitriolic “content” without bearing any legal responsibility for ensuring it is fair or accurate;
And though they have First Amendment protection and posture as patriotic muckrakers in the solemn pursuit of truth, the blog mob isn’t democratic at all. They are inclined to crush dissent with the “delete” key…"

If I were John Dvorak, hired by Microsoft to attack his fake fake fake blog (as he alleges), we would be right to do so!

(Sorry to get so upset, but this kinda' stuff chaps my ZuneTattoo!)

Where SCO Failed, We Will Succeed!

"You're violating our IP, now pay up!"
That's how I started off our "partners" meeting in London.
When I first got there I had no idea what I was going to speak about, I prefer to let inspiration hit me most of the time, this time it really did. I was in the foyer waiting to be introduced, still wondering what I was gonna' say, when I saw a kiosk near the door, something didn't seem right about it though. I walked over to it, looked at the graphics and asked the stadium manager, "what is this running?" He responded, "Unbuntu, Redhat Linux or something like that we got for free." I just stared at him!

INSPIRATION STRUCK!

Then I heard "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Steve Ballmeeeerrr!"

I ran onto the stage like a man on fire! I grabbed the mic and screamed,

"People who use Red Hat, at least with respect to our intellectual property, in a sense have an obligation to compensate us!"

The crowd stopped clapping and just looked at me quizzically, (I wasn't gonna' let people looking confused slow me down, crowds try to play that old trick on me all the time) so I continued;

"Our friends at Novell knuckled under and signed agreements with us and soon all open source vendors will be forced to strike similar deals with other patent holders!"

The Conference Organizer guy tipped up behind me and whispered in my ear, "Uh, sir, that's not what this conference is about, you're supposed to talk about ..." my security people pull him away (he got to close).I charged to the edge of the stage,
"Getting an intellectual property interoperability framework between the two worlds, I think, is important!"

I just railed on about Redhat, Linux, stealing ideas and code, changing patent laws and all kinds of cutting edge stuff for about 20 minutes.

When I left the stage, they were so in awe of me that there was complete silence!
Now That is how you handle a limey audience! God save the Queen.

Nothing Like a Zune in the Morning!

I love the new zunes! Our friends at ZuneScene (yeah baby) are doing a great grassroots job of promoting them too. The iPud has nothing close to ZS, you see, nobody feels passionately about their iPud. The Zoonies have zune body art, Zune haircuts, they name their children Zune, Zunette, Zunisha, Zubert, ... The Zune is a lifestyle, a mindset. They even name their trailers after the Zune. I got my Z-tat last week, I can't post a picture of it because of it's location, but let me just say it's beautiful!
My favorite new Z-colors are the Military Avacodo and the ManPink (pink for real men)! What's yours?

Fake Dan (Dvorak Conspiracy) Lie-ons, says he will "Track me Down!"

I don't know where all of this crazy "Dvorak/MS/Ballmer" Conspiracy stuff came from, but I think it was started by Fake Fake of a Fake Steve Dan Copy-boy Jobs Lie-ons on Sept 30 when he wrote:

"Totally Wrong! ..... They'll probably even hire Dvorak to write a fake Ballmer blog to bash my blog. Whatevs. We'll survive."

Then on Oct 5 there was this drivel:

"Dvorak: Dysfunctional Microsoft culture drives away creative types
See here. And yeah I know what you're thinking because I'm thinking it too. Dvorak said that? Is this the same Dvorak? The guy ghostwrites Ballmer's blog? We're looking into it."

I was wondering why so many of you comment posters have been calling me John Dvorak.
While I believe John is a wonderful, smart, gutsy, handsome, intelligent, snazzy dresser, great writer, and a humorous guy with a great personality and a winning smile, I must reluctantly admit that I am not John Dvorak not pretending to not be me!

Any similarities between the subject matter and timing of our subject matter is totally coincidental (although he does read this blog daily for inspiration, who doesn't?). ie;
Dvorak wrote: "Microsoft pulls the cord on Bungie Software" on Oct 5, but I wrote: "Bungie Cord Cut" at almost the exact same time. They are two separate articles with totally different tacts (the only similarity was that only I and Dvorak KNEW that the Bangee split was not amiable as everyone else thought it was). Like I said he's a smart guy, he reads this blog (apparently Copy-boy does too).

Lemmings! hehehehe, gotta' love it!

BUNGIE CORD CUT!

I have to tell ya, those Bungie guys do some really good work. If it weren't for them there would be no xBox, we needed a killer app, they had one, we bought 'em, period!
Their contract was for 3 Halos, they delivered. Halo 3 in the first week has brought in $300,000,000! This one release will finally put xBox over the top! We will actually make money for the entire division. Bungie has served it's purpose, now we say hasta la Vista baby!

So you ask, "why didn't you just resign these guys?"

I can put it in just one word: "ATTITUDE!"

You see money isn't everything (yes I said that).
The problem with these people was that at heart they were still a bunch of die-hard, sanctimonious, peta-eating, holier-than-thou, proud, elitist, you-are-lucky-to-have-me-here, overpaid, always late for company meetings, self-righteous, superior minded, perfectionist, Microsoft hating, backstabbing, two faced, Vista sneering, over indulged Macintosh loving, Jobs worshiping, iTards!
So I say, "thanks fo' da money honey, but hit the bricks now!"

They actually think that they can be successful without us. lol
They will come crawling back on their bellies within a year or two, humbled, right attitudes, compliant, willing to use active x!
(That's why I'm CEO, I can see the BIG picture)

In the interim I am forming a team of real MS employees to replace these hacks, we will be taking MS gaming back to it's roots! Look for GeekWad 2008!

iPod Sets Man's Pants on Fire! Save the Children!

Danny Williams, a young brother from Douglasville Ga. has reported to WSBtv Atlanta that his year and a half old iPod Nano burst into flames in his pocket! He said'
"So I look down and I see flames coming up to my chest!"
The traumatized Apple victim continued,
"I’m still kind of freaked out that after only a year and a half my iPod caught fire in my pocket!"
The young brother works at a kiosk in Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, you could hear the anguish in his voice as he exclaimed,
“If TSA had come by and seen me smoking, they could have honestly thought I was a terrorist!”

Why is Apple trying to roast the bro.? Why are these dangerous products on the streets at all? Do YOU have a bad one about to ignite at any moment too?
Apple told Mr. Williams to return the Nano, "we'll replace it (and get rid of the evidence?)"
Nobody knows just how widespread this problem is, except Mr. Jobs ofcourse.

Spread the news! Save a life!

FCEOW: Other CEO's Responding on their Blogs

Fake CEO's of the World (Saving the World One Blog at a Time!) was one rousing, runaway success!
Here is what some of the CEO's are saying on their personal Fake Persona Blogs:

Bill Gates:
"As many of you realized, I wasn’t in the Bahamas after all. I was actually at the FCEOW (Fake CEOs Of The World) Conference in an undisclosed secret location. For security reasons I was forced to lie (all of my Fake Bodyguards are busy right now) and tell all of you that I was going to the “Bahamas.”"

Paul Thurrott (not a CEO but worth mentioning):
"I was there to cover it, and you don't even mention me? Just for that, I'm not going to give Zune 2 a good review."

Jonathan Schwartz:
"It's too bad we couldn't invite the general public. If the real CEOs caught wind of it, they'd probably hire Blackwater to come in and then KABLOOEE!"

Larry Elison:
Gone yatching again, he never thanks anyone anyway.

Verizon's Voyager! - Now an iPhune Killer!

The news for Apple and the iPhoney just gets worse and worse!
First we release the iPod Killer, Zune2, with FM radio!
THEN:
Verizon announces the LG Voyager phone! Mobile Magazine says:

"Remember how Verizon passed on the iPhone? That's because the LG Voyager might even be better. It also has a large external touchscreen, but when you open the phone laterally, a QWERTY keyboard emerges for text entry. Key features include high-speed wireless broadband, a web browser, music player, and microSD expansion."
Best of all it is driven by a proven OS, Windows Mobile! No playing on the screen with your fingers, we treat you like an adult.

Apple is on the ropes! They are down! They are out! It's over! It's over!

Where is Steve Fossett?

Steve Fossett, adventurer, pilot, humanitarian, billionaire, .... has been missing for a month now in the Nevada/California desert.
This story has personally impacted me, seeing that Fossett was a fellow billionaire and acquaintance. But this story is turning into more of a mystery than I would have ever anticipated.
You see, in the search for Fossett, every form of technology known (some unknown) to man has been employed in the search effort: satellites, radar, aerial, foot, dogs, microwave, Internet, seismic, thermal scans, .... and thousands upon thousands of personnel have been involved. BUT NO FOSSETT!

I can't help but wonder, "is something else going on here?"
There has never ever been this level of technology and manpower put into a search for anyone in history, still zilch!
I'm no conspiracy theorist, but, you have to admit this is interesting.
I know the UFO abduction people will have a theory, the Bermuda triangle types, pre-tribulation rapture people, Ozone holers, Swamis', Occultist, ghost busters, trekkies and grassy knollers; but let's be serious! Area 51 is only 200 miles NW of where Fossett was headed (I've been there), what do they know? Could he have been shot down? Beamed out? Black holed? Time warped?

Hopefully he is just on the lamb, laid-up with a couple of thai girls in some ratty hotel outside of Singapore (again).

In any case continue to keep him in your prayers.

THE iPod KILLER HAS ARRIVED! Zune 2 is here! Squirt me baby! Better yet let me squirt you!

All of the Zune's critics are silent in the face of our new software and models!
Nobody has anything that comes even remotely close to the "Squircle". If Apple tries to copy this we will sue the living daylights out of them and cancel Office '08 completely!
See all of the details at ZuneScene!
Tell 'em Steve sent 'cha!

More Photos From FCEOW Conference '07

Photos From FCEOW 2007! - Fascinating!

The first FCEOW (Fake CEO's of the World) Conference was held in secret this weekend in an undisclosed location.
I couldn't be there because of prior commitments but I did Keynote via teleconference.I've heard that Fake Schartz, Fake Gates and Fake Ellison really turned the place out!
Fake Branson emailed me the agenda and it was fascinating! These fake guys are really on the ball! I would wager that they would probably do a better job than their CEO's alter-egos. Maybe I can make it next time, they'll really be surprised to see who I am. You see like I have said before; I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me.

Get this, there is a guy who is a fake fake Steve Ballmer who showed up, but he was thrown out after an hour or so for being intoxicated (I heard it was a pretty ugly scene).The conference was covered by the "I am Not Fake Steve" site, which covers news on fake blogs.

Fake Steve Jobs was not invited, he's actually Copy-boy Dan Lie-ons

Others (non-CEOs) that showed up but were kept out, afterall this was no freakshow!
These fakes were:Al Gore, Al Sharpton, Alberto Gonzales, Alex Rodriguez, Ann Coulter, Barack Obama, Barbara Walters, Barry Bonds, Bill Clinton, Bill O’Reilly, Bill Richardson, Bob Dylan, Bono, Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, Christopher Hitchens, Christopher Walken, Courtney Love, Dalai Lama, Dan Brown, Dennis Kucinich, Dick Cheney, Donald Trump, Dr. Phil, Flava Flav, Fred Thompson, George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, Jared Fogle, Jayson Blair, Vladimir Putin and others.

New Zunes being Shipped to Retailers This Wednesday!

I'm not supposed to confirm this yet, but then again, MS does'nt even know that I'm doing this blog.
I secretly leaked the info to my happenin' buddies at Zunescene a few weeks ago.

These things will kill the iPud! Maybe even the iPhoney! They are gorgeous and the specs are utterly unbelievable!
This generation is truly the iPod KILLER!

I just personally authorized the releas of Zune2 Firmware update for the Zune1, so the Z1 and Z2 will run the same thing.

Say hello to rapidly rising stock prices!