The Windows Vista CapAble Lawsuit! Whinners!

A few of you may have read the stories about several groups of whinny mormons attempting to initiate a class action lawsuit against us for deceptive advertising by allowing PC vendors to slap "Vista CapAble" stickers on crappy low-end PC's.
Let's just get the truth out here!

Vista was originally supposed to be released prior to the Christmas shopping season '06, but for reasons of our own we had to put off the release until '07 (for Vista this was the 17th and last time we changed the release date).
The PC vendors went wild, Mikey Dell fell to his knees before me and pleaded for help, "Half of our sales are during this quarter, people won't buy! They'll wait! Oh my God! Oh my God!"
I calmly got him up and said, "Really Mike! I'm not your God! But I do know what you mean, we have a plan! Buck up dude."
Still sniffling he whimpered, "Thank you God! What's you plan Bill?"
I Replied, "Stop calling me that!" I sat him down in MY chair and explained, "You guys can just slap a sticker on the low-end crap! Have it say 'Windows Vista CapAble', the half decent ones slap 'Premium Ready" on 'em!"
Sounding worried he stuttered, "those boat anchors won't run Vista".
I looked him straight in the eye, "I have the Nasal toned Nerds (NtN's) down in the basement stripping Vista down to Windows 95! We are gonna' call it Vista Home edition, we'll let them upgrade to that!", we both had a good little chuckle. I went over to him, grabbed a pen and paper and wrote - "CapAble"
I winked at him and said "get it?" He stared at it for a few seconds then smiled and slooowly said, "yeah, Cap Able! ... able but with a cap!" He stood and high fived me, he screamed, "Jesus! You are slick!"

... maybe I am, maybe I am!

Dan Lie-ons Comes to MicroSoft! - Welcomed Warmly!

I was there when this hack spoke or should I say gushed, he's on tour peddling his book, I was not impressed! His ramblings were like those on his blog, confusing, disjointed, illogical, ....
I opposed having him anywhere near us but Bill overrode me on this one, he said, "Bill we need to show tolerance, openness, pretend we have a sense of humor". I said, "I as always defer to your judgement, sir." (What a weasel)

Lie-ons had the nerve to even talk about this blog when he was up, he tried to explain why he chose to be a fake Steve Jobs' rather than Fake Steve Ballmer! In his stupor he exclaimed:
"The thing about Ballmer is ... if you go out on stage and do a Monkey Boy dance, you can't parody that guy. He's already parodying himself."

I had to do something to show my disgust with the whole situation, so eight minutes into his "speech" I just stood up, cleared my throat (I was on the front row) and walked out. Those direct-reports to me followed suit, so about a third of the audience left! lol
Bill was embarrassed and a little ticked off at me, but he'll get over it. It doesn't matter that much anyway because he'll be completely gone next year and I'll be in charge!

We will see if this fake of a fake fake ex-copy-boy retard can ever come back on the premises then!

I would have never mentioned this ever happened, except that some stupid NtN thought it would cool to leak the video.

See my buddy, Todd Bishop's story on this, he warns, "Lyons likes to swear".
The guy sickens me too Todd!

Exerpt From "The Monkey-Boy Conspiracy"

Chapter 8:
"The Jobs Factor"

.... I was incredulous of what the report from Jack Stone P.I. said; his report alleged that:

"The informant (Rotten Core) claimed that Steve Jobs died from some rare form of cancer six years ago, but thanks to the work that Apple had done with industry leading Genome mapping, Medical labs and Soviet scientist, the Apple Board of directors decided to authorize Mr. Jobs' cloning!
The board felt that without Jobs as a figurehead the entire Apple Cult would fall apart, stocks would plummet and the company would be destroyed in a matter of days. Jobs had left no aire-apparent, to 99% of the public, HE IS APPLE! They had nothing to lose!
The cloning went far, far, far better than any of them had ever expected, the new "Steve" was up and running within two months of Jobs#1's exit. The new Jobs even believed that he was the original. All records of those board meetings, expenditures, notes, ... everything was destroyed. Al Gore declared, "J2 is a success!"
There was only one defect in the cloning; while being vegan 95% of the time, once a month the clone must consume 18 ounces of human flesh!"

I told Jack Stone P.I. that this part of the report could not be included in his final version to the MBIC (Monkey-Boy Investigative Committee) because we could never admit that Apple had successfully accomplished CEO cloning while all of our experiments in the area to date have been such abysmal failures! .......

Dell's XPS All IN ONE, True Innovation!

I once mistakenly said (yes I made a mistake) that the iMac was a decent computer if Vista is installed. Let me now correct that,
"The iMac was a decent computer, but it has now been made totally obsolete by the Dell XPS aio!"
The iMacs anchor was all of this OSX stuff that held it back. Dell seeing this as an opportunity went back to the drawing board and created the XPSaio, a truly revolutionary computer which was in no way whatsoever influenced by that old boxy iMac!

My personal congratulations to Michael Dell and the team for this break through!
Ten to One that Jobs and the iTards come out with some kind of imitation of this truly unique design!

Announcing Developement of the ZuneCam!

I was thinking last week when it occurred to me that we were trying to get into everything except cameras! I picked up the phone and called TOG (That Other Guy) since Ray-Oz is always on vacation somewhere, I said,

"Hey, TOG, why don't we make a camera? Everybody would buy one! We could come out with some proprietary graphics format to try to kill off that jpeg stuff!"
TOG: "Yes sir Mr. Ballmer!"
"Let's call the format jpeg XR"
TOG: "Yes sir Mr. Ballmer!"
"Give the camera some kinda' super lens and fuse it to a Zune!"
TOG: "I'm getting excited Mr. Ballmer!"
"I'm just a little ticked, do I have to think up everything around here?"
TOG: "Yes sir Mr. Ballmer!"
"Get the NtN's (Nasal toned Nerds) on it right now, form a few committees to spec and design it, float some rumors on the Internet and spend a few million on some desperate digital camera parts company!"
TOG: "Not a problem Mr. Ballmer, I'll start it off with some of the funds from the **DDSF account!"
"Oh, yeah, I won't remember any of this by tomorrow so zap me an e-mail for the records. bye."

Just after I hung up I thought about why we made TOG such a high level executive. He's a good sounding board, he challenges you, makes you think! I could really use a few hundred more like him.

**Discretionary Disinformation Slush Fund

The Grand Poobahs of Technology!

From my interview with some guy called spencer a few days ago:
STEVE BALLMER: ... When we're talking to the grand poobahs of technology that's one story. But the devices, the kinds of phones you see here they really have to appeal to literally billions of people.

SPENCER MICHELS: The big news in the last year was the introduction of Apple's iPhone. What has that done for you and what is the state of the competition?
STEVE BALLMER: for a company like ours to build software, not just for one phone, but there's literally 140 different phone models in the market running Windows Mobile, that stimulated interest whether it comes from us or from the competition - it's really helping us drive sales .... I would say Apple tends to think about things much more sort of cordoned off and cocooned, that's what they did with the PC, ... they won't be a very high percentage of the phone market.

SPENCER MICHELS: What do you hear that Google is doing in this field?
STEVE BALLMER: Everything and so I don't -- I know nothing.
SPENCER MICHELS: Come on!
STEVE BALLMER: No, there are a lot of rumors and we all just have to wait and see what really happens.

SPENCER MICHELS: Does that concern you, Google getting into this?
STEVE BALLMER: There's already a lot of competition in this field. Our job's got to be to drive important innovation and to work very well with partners. And if we do that you know the sky's the limit for opportunity for us.

SPENCER MICHELS: Intel has this saying, "Only the paranoids survive." Do you subscribe to that too?
STEVE BALLMER: I think that's a reasonable description of the way things work in business.

SPENCER MICHELS: Thanks very much.
STEVE BALLMER: Thank you.

True Intellectuals Understand Me!

Professor Nigel (I love that name) Nicholson is a Professor at the London Business School.
He recently wrote a masterfully crafted article for the "Business Daily - Africa" entitled:
"Wisdom of using partnerships".

Sir Nigel (as I call him) waxed eloquently in elaborating his thesis of " CLRs – critical leader relationships."
But, of course the most prestigious Professor could not come upon a better example than Bill and myself, he writes:
"... Microsoft, one of the mightiest and most impressive corporations on the planet, regularly voted a most admired company and one of the best to work for, has been led for most of its existence by a very un-leader-like geek called Bill Gates. How did he do this? By realising early on that his talents alone could not build lasting success.

He surrounded himself by the best people he could find and during the years of greatest growth relied on a partner in leadership who had all the talents that he Gates himself lacked — organisational savvy, people skills, and a confident administrative authority — one Steve Ballmer."

I am regularly excoriated, ridiculed, lambasted and mocked by those of lower estate, but this article reminded me once more that in the hallowed halls of academia (where those who truly matter habitate) I am a god!

Strategic memo 334aapl-54 - The War Has Started!

As I said a few post ago, "THIS MEANS WAR!"
The disinformation from Apple keeps coming fast and furious, so I'm going to stop being the nice guy here!
I just sent out this memo:

CEO Steven Anthony Ballmer
Strategic memo 334aapl-54

Seeing whereas Apple Inc has chosen to brazenly advertise falsities and mock Microsoft Corporation, it's subsidiaries, partners, employees (direct, indirect, consultants and supporting subsidiaries) in a fashion not congruent with known and accepted standard practices of said advertising: I Steven Anthony Ballmer, duly authorized CEO of Microsoft Corporation do authorize all afore-mentioned entities to *retaliate against said rogue Corporation!

Such retaliation to include (but not limited to) economic pressures against said false advertising corporation's channel partners, suppliers, direct reports, .......

You can read the entire report at Microsoft.com/retilation/sm334aapl_54

Europe, iPhones, Hypocrisy, Lies, Bribes and Courts

Jobs is starting to learn what I found out years ago about the European DisUnion! Nobody is in charge!
I have been laughing all day as I follow the constantly changing story about the German courts, T-Mobile and Vodafone!
The Euro-boys can't seem to make up their minds as to whether they are capitalist, communist, socialist and in this case Nazis'. They want progress (not that the iPhone is progress), status quo, or the good old days. Trying to sell a product in Europe is like trying to walk barefoot over a sea of razor blades. There is just no way to win!

All I can say is that it couldn't happen to more deserving people. lol

Mary Jo, Marry Me! (Leopard driving users to Vista!)

It would be impossible for me to write this any better so I'll just quote her entire article from that wonderful bastion of Windows defense over at ZDnet.com."Apple advocates are doing the unthinkable: They’re complaining publicly about a new Apple product release.
Even typically staunch Mac backers are admitting that Apple’s new Leopard operating system is not perfect. It might even be as problem-prone (if not more so) as Windows Vista. Could Leopard go so far as to drive some switchers into Vista’s arms? Sounds crazy, but who knows….

If you’re Microsoft — especially a member of the Vista team — there’s no way you can help but gloat. Very few Softies or their loyal followers are gloating publicly. But there’s no way they aren’t enjoying this turning of the tables.

I bet some Softies are wishing Microsoft would take the low road and capitalize on Apple’s buggy Leopard release. Not just via an occasional pot shot in a blog post, but in a holiday ad campaign or Superbowl commercial.

There are so many sloagans Microsoft could use to lash out publicly at Leopard (but won’t, for fear of being criticized as the Goliath pounding David). But over a few pints of Manny’s in Redmond, you can bet there have been some secret celebrations over the fact that Apple is just as mortal as Microsoft. Perhaps a fantasy ad slogan has been conjured up, too."

This is the same woman who wrote, "Leopard Looks Like ... Vista!", "Zune The iPod Killer", "Fake Steve Ballmer Rules!", ....
... Any time, any where Mary Jo, I'll marry you!
ps - She just bumped George Ou out of my "favorite journalist" spot!

Because YOU Demanded it! - The "MBC"

Monkey-Boy Conspiracy Revisited!

Part I - JUMPING AND SCREAMING!
This is one of those stupid internet pranks that I have been fighting for years now. For a while there I said "Oh forget it!"
I thought that the idiots would just give it up and people would eventually realize that this whole thing was a not so elaborate hoax. Anybody with a few hundred dollars could have produced this phoney video, I can prove it!
The guys at our media labs have gone over this video and issued a report, the results are eye opening!
1>> Grainiess: The film was run thru a grain filter then blurred by 33%! Why so that the person in it only vaugely resembles me!
2>> Stage: The two Monkeyboy videos were apparently filmed on a small stage in a tripple car garage.
3>> Shadows: Shadow analysis shows that lighting was only about 20' away, not stadium distance.
4>> ... there is more a lot more!

These fake videos have been a source of consternation for myself and family for some years now, any person truly interested in spreading the truth can identify with my pain.

Part II - DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, ....
This whole Monkey-boy conspiracy thing includes yet another FAKE film, I call it the "Developers, Developers". This my friends simply never happened! This film is not as grainy as the others and was obviously created by some other group than the other two films where they show me jumping, screaming, eating dirt, and generally losing my mind. This one had a higher budget, we suspect it had corporate backing (aapl). The actor in this one looks a lot like me, (Peter Boyle called me once and said it was him, he apologized, he said at the time he was being blackmailed so he did it). If that is not good enough, there is one dead give away: THE SWEAT! You see I do not sweat, I was born with a rare condition called Anhidrosis Glandofelimumia, I cannot sweat. I take medication weekly and always stay in cool environments. If I got hot like this guy I wouldn't sweat, I would swell up like a water balloon. The conspirators did not know this little known fact about me.
Spread the word, get the truth out, that's why I blog!

Part III - CHAIR CHUCKING!
Another part in this whole thing where Microsoft's enemies try to portray me as an out-of-control maniac is the perjured testimony of two disgruntled exemployees, Kai-Fu Lie and Mark Liecovsky. They claimed that when I discovered their backstabbing treachery in leaving MS for other companies:
"Mr. Ballmer said: 'Just tell me it's not Google'. At that point, Mr. Ballmer picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office, then launched into a tirade about Google CEO Eric Schmidt. "I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google."

Absolutely anyone who knows me knows that this is a total lie for several reasons:
1. I never use any profanity stronger than "dang it, dog-gone, darn and shoot!"
2. I don't even know who the CEO of Gaggle is.
3. I have never thrown a chair, all of the chairs in my office are bolted down, so there!

Let me reiterate #3, every last chair in my office is bolted to the floor! Why? Well that is something I will explain at a later date, but I think all of you are beginning to get the idea, our enemies will go to any lengths to disparage my dog-gone reputation and I am darn tired of it!

Sorry to lose my temper like that.

THE INVESTIGATIONS CONTINUE!
Many of you have written me apologizing for ever believing any of this dog-gone poop in the first place, I forgive you!
There are yet two other parts (so far) to this insidious plot, I won't go into details now because they are still being investigated.

PS: The rumors are true, I am working on the book!
"THE MONKEY-BOY CONSPIRACY"
(a film deal is also in negotiations)

Zune-iTunes Compatitability Question, Answered!

I have been getting a some flack lately from certain sources both within and outside of Redmond: they maintain that there is absolutely no reason why the Zune should not be able to auto-sync with iTunes on any platform! They say;
"open it up Steve, open it up!"

Let me just say it this way, whenever anyone says to me, "open it up Steve", I know what they plan to do next!
I am not falling for it!

They are absolutely correct that the Zune could very easily sync with any software, on any platform. So why doesn't it?
answer: Because I DON'T WANT IT TO!
Microsoft is the majority company! We control 92% of the desktops, let them come crawling to us!
Rolling over for minority companies and their "me too" software would set a bad precedent.

Photo: courtesy of ZuneScene
Zunescene Forum Discussion

I Couldn't Believe My Ears!

Wired Magazine wrote this article:
"Hell Freezes Over: Warner Music Claims iTunes is Digital Music Done Right"

Just when NBD CEO Zucker and I were getting the Apple Liberation Organization going good, this clown Bronfman has to go and buck the system!
He said:
"You need to look no further than Apple's iPhone to see how fast brilliantly written software presented on a beautifully designed device with a spectacular user interface will throw all the accepted notions about pricing, billing platforms and brand loyalty right out the window..."
I think I'm gonna be sick!

My people are on the phone with him right now trying to get a "clarification" from him out to the news services.
We suggest that they say, "... Warner CEO Bronfman was off his medication when he made these unfortunate statements about Apple and their disruptive products, in his disorientation he thought he was being asked about Microsoft, the Zune and the new stellar ZuneMedia Store ..."

THAT should straighten this incident out!

The Party's Over! ... Well Almost ...

Just got out of the Annual Shareholders Meeting, we had a blast! If you have never been to one you really should. Half the participants get plastered, for most it's just a day of being pampered by the MSGirls, fed caviar and they get the opportunity to hobbnobb with ME!
I wound it up with this statement:

"Last year, we significantly ramped up our growth by executing well and continuing our strategy of investing broadly in innovation (buying hot companies). This year and beyond, we see tremendous opportunities for more strong growth and solid financial returns both from our current businesses and through expansion into new markets."

At the annual shareholder meeting, the following proposals were acted on by the company's shareholders:

-- Elected 10 directors to serve until the next annual meeting of shareholders
-- Ratified the selection of Deloitte & Touche LLP as the company's independent auditor for fiscal year 2008
-- Voted down two shareholder proposals

All actions were taken with a vote of over 95 percent.
We had a huge bin full of free Zunes in the lobby, they went fast!
(last I saw Bill he and the NtN's were play hockey with them in the foyer, lol)


Founded in 1975, Microsoft is the worldwide leader in software, services and solutions that help people and businesses realize their full potential as defined by Microsoft.

But Ofcourse You Know, This Means War!

We had a tacit agreement that the iTards would stop these stupid yet highly effective "I'm a Mac, I'm a PC" commercials!
When I saw three new ones after a few months of none, I got so mad that I tried to throw a chair in my office! But ofcourse I failed because all of the chairs in my office are bolted down. I had to do something, so I broke my Dell keyboard in half!
UNFORFUNATELY!
At the moment I broke it my secretary opened the door for Michael Dell (I forgot our weekly luncheon appointment).
He just stood there is shock!
I was so supprised that I just stammered, "I uh, I uh, ... Apple, not you .. uh, Lemme explain!"
He burst into tears and screamed "Oh, Steve!"
He ran out, I chased him all the way to the heliport "Mikey! Mikey! Lemme explain! It was Jobs, he made me do it!"

He just got in his chopper and flew off!

Flowers, candy and a note of explanation are on the way

Rhuggle is Only Ahead of Microsoft in Search!

I was just in Tokyo to launch the new Windows Live services, when this coke-bottle-glasses reporter for the Tokyo Kamikazi Daily interrupted my usual world changing musings,
"rista Ballma-san, rista Ballma-san!"
I was a little annoyed that he interupted, but I decided to be respectful and bowed to him, "yes-san, do you have a question for me?"
He said, "rista Ballma-san, rut do you think of Rhuggle's expanding leed over Rikrosoft on the Rinternet?"
I said nothing at first, I motioned for one of my Blackwater people, he came running over. I whispered to him, "Get rid of this guy!" But he said, "sorry sir, MS international protocol MSJp44 dictates that once you have acknowledged him you must answer the question sir, roughing him up now would be considered 'impolite'."
I sighed, turned, bowed again:

"Rhuggle is a non-factor for us, they are at best an annoyance, a rash in an inconvenient place!"

They all looked at me with that fake confused look, so I went on to explain:

"Google is not ahead of us, In the area of search specifically, Google would lead."

At that point, a dozen hands went up, "rista Ballma-san, rista Ballma-san! rista Ballma-san, rista Ballma-san!"
I ignored them all!
I wasn't going to fall for that MSJp44 acknowledgement thing again, so I decided to have a little fun with them:

"Rhuggle is a bunch of boy scouts with no den-master! They are just a bunch of spoiled rich kids on a perpetual holiday, no order or discipline. They only exist in that I allow it, I find them amusing, it's like watching a house on fire or some other tragedy, you know it's repulsive but you just can't look away!"

The reporters were taking in my words like Saki, they just couldn't get enough! So I decided to throw them one more bone!

"I have to go now, but since I'm on Rhuggle, let me say this about this 'Android" thing they announced: It is just like the rest of Google ..ahem, I mean Rhuggle, IT ONLY EXIST ON PAPER! Don't fall for this vaporware, rumors, fake-half-baked hype that they peddle!"

They were going wild, "rista Ballma-san, rista Ballma-san!"
I just bowed, waved goodbye, then walked off stage.

As I was getting into the limo I whispered to my Blackwater guy, "always leave 'em wanting more son!" He laughed, I gave him a serious look and ordered him, "Oh yeah, track down that Tokyo Kamakazi reporter, have his paper fire him for some reason or another."
The Blackwater guy just chuckled and said, "remind me never to interrupt you, 'rista Ballma-san'."

That was one good trip!

Linux killers, KGB Agents, Serial Killers and Mail-order Brides!

The Hans Reinser trial has taken some really strange turns:
•It turns out that Reinser ordered his Russian wife over the internet. (I wondered how he could get a half decent looking woman)
•His lawyer says that the mail-order bride racket in Russia is run by ex-KGB agents turned criminals, he contends that they get the women back after five years.
•Hans' wife was having an affair with a guy whom he says was his best friend, this friend says he is an aspiring "Serial Killer".

The Lifetime Movie Channel could not cook up a scenario like this, and they are just getting warmed up!

But I guess if you are a Linux-guy you do'nt find any of this so unusual.

CIO Stuart Scott Fired For Policy Breach! (We had to make an example out of somebody!)

In response to Computerworld.com's article:
"Questions abound on firing of Microsoft's CIO"

They ask: Specifics of policy violation remain unclear; are IT execs are held to higher standards?

Well I thought our CIO, Stuart Scott was a kinda' creepy guy ever since I first met him about two years ago but you know me, I accept everybody, am self-defacing and ever sooo tolerant. Despite my gut feeling that the guy just wasn't right for the job I went along with the board and hired him as CIO.

Then the strange stuff started happening!

He sent out memos to his entire staff and the corporate *NtN's that they were to refrain from speaking to or interacting with any other MS employees outside of IT.
He obtained funding from the board to hire his own IT security firm which only reported to him.
A few months later he initiated a new dress code for all of his direct-reports, he said they had to wear black sack-cloth robes and sandals when entering the IT facilities.
He encouraged all of his people to "Rid your earthly shells of all hair."

I received a few complaints from some of the women in his department about the "Earthly shell hair riddance" policy, so I decided to go over there to see what was going on myself. (but not before firing the complainers, I hate complainers!)
My secretary called and setup my appointment to inspect their "campus within a campus".

I WAS IMPRESSED!

They had such order over there!
As I entered the lobby several young hairless IT girls came over, disrobed me, dressed me in a white sack-cloth robe (kinda' itchy, but you get used to it) and placed rubber flip-flopps on my feet (I love those things). They had a muzak system looping "Muskrat Love" all day long. As I journeyed to Scott's office, everyone we passed would bow to me, I said to one of the escorts, "I could get used to this!"
When I reached the office they announced me as "The Great and Powerful Ballmer!"
Scott (who they referred to as Buffa) bowed and said melodically, "how may I serve you my master?"
I said, "just an inspection Buffa, there have been ... complaints!" ... Everyone gasped! The escort girls started to weep, Buffa fell prostrate before me, they all started to chant, "control alt delete Great Ballmer, control alt delete Great Ballmer, control alt delete Great Ballmer, ....". After a few minutes of that I raised my hands and said "it is control alt deleted!"
They all stopped crying and chanting, Scott - I mean Buffa rose, kissed my Harvard ring and said, "you are most merciful O' Ballmer"

THEN IT HAPPENED!

I walked over to his desk, I could not believe my eyes, I was shocked, I couldn't speak for a second, I pointed at the 24" iMac on his desk and screamed, "What the Heck is THIS!" Buffa incessantly bowing said, "it matches the motif".

I looked at the robed security guards and said, "this person has defiled this holy campus! Remove him from my sight!"
They dragged him away begging and pleading for mercy, there was none!
There was silence, then all of the staff bowed to me and said, "Buffa! Buffa! Buffa!....."

I think I'm gonna like it over here until I replace Mr. Scott!

*Nasal toned Nerds

Murderous "Linux Visionary" Trial Begins!

Hans Reinser, reputed Linux developer is on trial for murdering his wife who was last seen at his front door dropping their kids off for the day. His wife Nina has purportedly vanished since that moment! Prosecutors contend that this poor woman was done away with by the Cold Blooded Open-Sourcer-Linux-Guru, in opening statements they say that evidence will be forthcoming.
"The police found drops of her blood in Reiser's house and car, and, when they picked him up on an Oakland street to swab his mouth for DNA, he was carrying his passport and $8,960 in cash in a fanny pack."

This is a serious issue people, when you have all of these Linux-people in the streets! I have no idea what happened to this poor woman, but I will never accept it if his attorneys use the old "Linux Made Him Do It" defense! While it is true that using this stupid terminal-heavy OS can drive you crazy, it should still be no excuse for murder!

Joshua Davis of Wired interviewed him in jail and writes:
"The accused is a 43-year-old geek — he lives in his own world of computer code, video games, and science fiction books... Just because he doesn't behave like the rest of us — and just because he evaded police surveillance and bought a book titled Masterpieces of Murder shortly after his wife's disappearance — doesn't mean he's guilty."

Well even if he is "innocent by reason of Linux use" I think society has to eventually deal with these people.
I will keep an eye on the trial for you people.

Changing Your Legal Name to Microsoft Zune?

The ZuneTattooed guy of ZuneScene (many do'nt claim him) is seeking to change his legal name to ... well read his forum post:

"I am currently looking up the legal side of changing my name. And if you haven't guessed yet yes I do wish to change my name to.... (drum roll)
Microsoft (First name) and Zune (Last Name)

To squash naysayers what I have read so far is that you can change your name to a trademarked name or to a company name as long as you are not benefiting from it or doing it to harm the company in any way.
Anywho continue to read this thread if you are interested because I will be updating it and possibly having video of my quest. Also if I get what I want and this goes through I will be changing all my important documents over to my "new name". So look back sometime for a Iowa driver's license with my new name, lol."
While I am all for freedom of expression, SON, I have to tell you in all honesty this is a bad idea!I'm all for having a Zune Tattoo, a Ballmer Tattoo (I have a Zunetatt myself, can't say where). Why am I of all people against this?
Well a few reasons come to mind:
The Zune is a really cool, hot selling, world rock'n, cutting edge device, NOT a person's name!
AND take my word for this, you do not want any babes you run into thinking of you as Micro - Soft! (If you need more explanation of this, comment and I will email you personally)

Ou-wee! I'm Having a Great Time in China!

Everywhere I go over here the press keeps hounding me about,
"Google gPhone! Waddaya think Steve?" I just say, "they're losers, it doesn't matter to me!"
"Dis one, dat one, says you were a sucker with the FaceBook deal! Waddaya think Steve?"
I just say, "it is what it is guys, just chill! We are in China, look at that roof, look at that great wall, ... "
I'm just going to deal with the stuff going on over here, you know, little things like say, communism, emerging markets, infrastructure, free trade, rampant IP theft, ecology, economy, Lie-nuts penetration, persecution, corruption, Olympics, tourism, international relations, .... you know, the little stuff!
I'm having a good time right now, I'll get back to destroying Gaggle when I get back home.

Bribery! They Can't Prove a Thing! ... I'm Sure of It!

François Bancilhon, CEO of some little Linux company has written an open letter on his blog:
An open letter to Steve Ballmer
He accuses me of bribing the government of Nigeria into replacing their stupid little Mandrovia OS on an order of 17,000 computers with Windows! His deal was already complete, the computers being delivered to schools, the monies paid: when suddenly the Nigerians informed Francois that on delivery the hard-drives would be reformatted and Windows installed!

He rails: "Hey Steve, how do you feel looking at yourself in the mirror in the morning?"

Well Frenchy! I feel pretty good, pretty darned good indeed! I wake up with any of several different ... never-mind. But, I am carried to the shower but my assistants, dressed, groomed and briefed every morning. I feel pretty good indeed!
I would normally ignore any such accusations from you people, but for some reason this one disturbed me, so I told legal to reply, this is their message:

"Microsoft strongly believes that individuals, governments and other organisations should be free to choose the software and other technologies that best meet their needs. We believe Microsoft offers the best overall option of value, integration, interoperability and support, without complexity or added dependency on services.
We are seeing strong market demand for Windows on low-cost devices to help governments in the areas of education, local innovation, and jobs and opportunity. We find that the government agencies are looking at the complete picture - bringing the benefits of technology to more people requires software, hardware, training, well-designed curricula, and stimulating sustainable local business ecosystems.
Microsoft has a strong relationship with the government in Nigeria and will continue to partner with government and industry to help meet their needs."

In other words, it was our strong friendly relationships with certain key government officials, their families and knowledge of their personal "needs" that influenced these persons to scuttle your little OS on these computers. Thats just the way business is done Frenchy! If you can't take the heat get out of the Smoke-hut!

I Was in Total Awe, Watching the Master at Work!

It's rare that I am upstaged by anybody but this guy is as slick as snot on an ice rink! He bobbed, he jabbed, he weaved, he dodged, pointed, he accused, rambled, he confused, he played with vowels all while doing this box step kinda shuffle!
I'm not a political guy but I do admire anyone who is a master of their craft, I guarantee you this guy has no match. When he was confronted with facts, he gave a whole new set of facts! When his dates were corrected, he stuck with his dates anyhow! He played the victim, then he played the aggressor!
It was like watching Davincci paint!
I can't even remember what he came to the MS Campus for, but it doesn't even matter.
I learned a lot just watching this guy work.
hmmm, If Apple can have Al (Sci-Fi) Gore, why can't we have Clinton?

Introducing the $200 Google PC! ... Well Kinda'

This Hi-tech computer will be sold exclusively at Walmart, it is running some freebie hacked up freeware OS which they have entitled "gOSh". Looks like the case is a modified Barbie Fun House to me. I couldn't find much on the specs but my sources (Dvorak and Company) tell me that for this price they must give you 256 meg of 32 pin memory, a 10 gig HD, a 486 dx processor, no monitor, no sound card, two USB 1 ports, 25k dial-up modem, integrated video and a Hasbro keyboard.

Hey Google Guys, we are shaking in our boots over here!

Oh yeah, they will have one more freebie for you: on your way out the door with this thing they will stamp SUCKER in big red letters on your forehead!