My Documents: all is one, one is none, none is all!

I had a little problem the other day, so I called our top NtN (Nasal-toned Nerd) to my office for a little tech help:

RAJivhe: You Eminence, vhat is yur probleem this glorious dae?

Ballmer: I made a Linux Developer/administrator hit list for '08, sorted by the influentiality colum and subsorted by distribution.
It was a thing of beauty! I had finally compiled a list of the top thousand most dangerous LuTards, categorized it and made it cogent. I did a file - save - exit, then went to the desktop.
I wanted to drag it to my thumb drive then delete the original. But the file wasn't on the desktop, I then realised that I had simply saved it to "My Documents" by default. ... To make a long story short, I spent an hour scouring the drive for the folder. I went to C: and told Vista to search, but no My Documents was to be found! Where is the My Documents folder?

RAJivhe: That is someteems a vere vere guud question sihr!

Ballmer: ... and the answer would be?

RAJivhe: It ez everywhere, YET! It is nowhere! (I gave him my confused look, so he continued)
Your Grandness, your computer ez networked in the new MS-UberGrid! In this network you have all, yet you have nothing. Your local computer is but a spec in the sea of the nothingness of data, all is one, one is none, none is all!

Ballmer: Uh, I want my file! Where is it?

RAJivhe: Buffa, there is no where here, all data moves between servers, nodes, it is naut a ting, it is nothingness, it is only perceived! A whispered word in the desert which signifies all that the desert ez!

Ballmer: It's name was LuTardKillist.xlsx and I want it! (I was loosing my patience) I want it now!

RAJivhe: Oh Great-one! Now is but a pearl floating upon waves of anticipation! To become one with your document you must free yourself of this "now" and see that now is simply now, then it vanishes!

(I just stared at him for a moment, then in a very serene manner said:)

Ballmer: Oh enlightened one, I shall free you of the burdens brought upon thy most radiant soul by the all-ness of money and a job!

RAJivhe: It's in H:/Documents and Settings/SABallmer/My Documents/LuTardKillist.xlsx

(I stood and bowed to him)
Ballmer: Namaste! Now get out of here!

Steve and Apple Looking a Little Desperate!

There is not much good news for Apple or Steve (problem-child) Jobs these days! I admit it, they did get a little boost from the initial release of Vista being perceived as being a terrible, slow, incompatible, uninspired, copy-cat OS. Some people who were silly enough to believe those rumors and lies about Vista were duped enough to buy a Mac instead of a new Vista CapAble or a new PC running Vista.
BUT THOSE DAYS ARE OVER NOW!
With the release of Vista SP1 we have corrected all of the perceived mistakes, moved menus around, renamed commands, updated background images, added more drivers and lots of other stuff that the preservers were perceiving! So now there is no reason whatsoever to wait or buy some other computer!

The free ride is over now Stevey-boy! Sure your sales tripled in the last year, but you only tripled 2.5% to whatever that is now. Vista is the cat's meow baby! Our little slip-up may have bought your little candy-coated sissy-boy oddly-shaped devices company a year or two more until your certain bankruptcy, but it will come!

If you don't believe me look at their stock! Even the Apple top executives are getting out while the gett'ns good!

"Apple (AAPL) chief operating officer Tim Cook sold 286,673 shares on March 24 at about $140 each, raking in about $40 million... Likewise, Apple CFO Peter Oppenheimer disclosed that he sold all but 13,173 of the 250,000 shares ... Jonathan Ive, SVP for industrial design, received 200,000 shares via RSUs, and has since sold almost all of them ... Five other Apple execs received RSU grants that day as well; none show any open market sales..." - Seeking Alpha


BUY ZUNE, BUY VISTA! I tell you all this because I care!
I'M NOT EVIL!

Surface Surfacing 2011!

The first consumer versions of the MS Surface Computer has been fast tracked to be released in 2011.
The developement guys kept telling me, "It canna' be dun' Missah Ballma! It jus cunt!" But they changed their minds after I threatened to fire every last freak'n one of them, ruin their credit and deport the ones with "questionable residency".
NO, I'm not being mean, that's just the way you have to talk to these people! Especially the Iraqi bunch at the core of the program, they came to us just before Bush invaded Iraq. They are undoubtedly the best employees we have, they even live down on level -32. I went down there once, but couldn't take the smell! Sometimes they even slip and call me Sadam, I just laugh.
Back on topic:
Yes, you and your family will be able to draw smiley faces with all ten fingers right on your computer coffeeteble in only three more years!

A Green Present For You!

Beside Startrek I am a BIG Green Hornet Guy, Bill is a closet Kato too! He came over and we dressed our in our Hornet-wear and watched a few episodes out of my collection from the Green Room. (Bill sometimes gets a little carried away so I always keep several cheap vases and some plaster-a-paris cinderblocks in the room).
It occured to me that anybody smart enough to read my blog would be a GH Fan too, so I just decided to share this:
... and this one which was an unaired Green Hornet test episode, I owned it exclusively for years until I decided to share it with the world a few years ago, enjoy:

Hey, it's my blog and I'll post what I want to, post what I want to, post what I want to!
You would post too if you were rich as me.

DAY OF THE ZuneCast!

Many of you still refer to small streamed audio and video broadcast over the internet as podcast, I'm sorry but they are actually called ZuneCast! I had to crack down here at the offices in Redmond also for the egregious misstatement.
It took firing 18 of our "media people" for the message to get through, but at least now everyone here at Microsoft uses the proper terminology.

All forums, Chanel Partners, Affiliates, ... are now also on notice that this ignorance will no longer be tolerated.

I will soon have a ZuneCast on the subject.


Ballmer: memo 887rt5tty63h.12v.b

Satan, Get Thee Behind Me!

I've been screening out the calls from Hillary begging for the money I promised her, but after what happened the other day I just had to take this one!

HILLARY: Ballmer! You #%$% worm! You swore that you would send campaign donations the last time we spoke! You must not know who I am!

BALLMER: Oh, I know exactly who you are! You are the psychotic liar who got up behind a podium and claimed to have repelled into Bosnia, scrambled across the tarmac under heavy sniper fire, returned fire killing two alqueda terrorist while rescuing a native little girl in the line of fire and later that evening garroting an assassin in your bedroom!

HILLARY: I Say millions of words a day! I can't control them all! I misspoke!

BALLMER: This is the first time in my life that I wish I cursed, but let me put it this way: You and Bill were made for each other!

HILLARY: I'll bury you Ballmer! WHAT ABOUT MY MONEY!?

BALLMER: Ya know Hellary, the only thing I'm afraid of is that one day you will become president!
You will wake up one morning believing that we are being attacked by the Russians then launch a counter-strike! You with your finger on the nuclear trigger scares the bejesus out of me!
Lady! I'm sending ten million to both Barak and McCain!

HILLARY: So I'm getting nothing at all?

BALLMER: (I thought about it for a few seconds) Tell you what, I'll have my people send you and your campaign 1000 Celeron computers running Windows Ultimate!

*Click!*

OUUUU! That felt so good!

Super Sonic Goings-on!

I've always wanted to get into the basketball game and have been a fan of the Sonics for years. When I learned that they were planning to move to Oklahoma I got together with a few friends to see what we could do about keeping them in Seatle. I even went to the lockers to talk to them after loss #12 and the players told me that they hated KeyArena. The City does not keep it or the grounds up and the whole place smells rank and rancid, homeless vagrants live under the bleechers and the murder rate inside the stadium is 20x higher than outside the stadium.So my "group" has put together about $300 million to redo the whole dump! The part I insisted on is simply that it be renamed VistaArena. I'm even thinking of buying the team itself if they don't take this offer! We will have to wait to see what happens.
If I do have to buy them, it would only be fair to rename them too: BallmerSonics, Steveonics, The SteveRollers, the Ball-mers, .... any suggestions?

Right now its a "long shot" though, but, I am getting some good press!

I AM NOT EVIL!

I'm NOT EVIL!

The press is finally catching on to the fact that Microsoft is not out for world domination! This crazy conspiracy theory has been going on for what seems like forever! We only plan to dominate software, web services, CRM, ERP, digital media delivery, format standards and Operating Systems. No single company can control "everything", we only wish to control how you get everything.
That is why under BallmerSoft we will be having a BIG move to software as a service. I'm betting the farm that the future belongs to the delivery boys not the producers so much. Join us in this brave new world!
Like I said at Convergence 2008 a few weeks ago:
"CRM Live is not the only service that we plan from Dynamics in the software-plus-services space," I said. "You should expect to see more from us in ERP and other areas as we move into the future."

The Borg Queen Revisited!

I have always been a HUGE StarTrek fan! Not quite one of those convention going no-lifers, but a Trekster none the less.
I was watching the episode where Picard gets snatched and changed into Locutis of Borg (Resiatance is futile you will be assimilated and your species distinctiveness will be merged into the collective!).
Inspiration struck! I paused Picard, fired up Paint '08 and did these:
Now I know who Hellary always reminded me of, the Borg Queen! lol

Ou! She is going to be ticked when she sees this!

I'd better send Barak some more money!

Fear and Loathing at FedoraForum!

I was just morbidly curious as to what makes LuTards (Linux Users) tick, so I joined FedoraForums and started fishing!
I was greeted with a kind of nervous excitement, I made a few post, asked a few questions, probed, provoked thought!
I found that I was already a legend here for once having visited another Linux forum, I found this post:

BREAKING NEWS!! SteveBallmer joins Ubuntu Forums!

I found them to be an interesting and sad lot, but there was something that was still bothering me about their attitudes, so I suggested that they all switch to Vista and they all turned on me like coyotees on a dead pig!
After reading their reactions I posted this:
"I was wrong, you all are not mean, you are crazy! The NtN's here tell me that years of Linux use will do that to people!
So I guess now I'm on a quest to save you people's sanity!
It looks like my work is cut out for me here! I love a challenge though!"

They then all agreed I would and should probablly be banned! That is when I realised the truth, I shared it with them:

"I find it interesting when people on a "forum" cower away from different points of view or criticism. Do you go through your entire life like this, hiding? Is this why you people use Linux, as a place to hide where noone else will find you?
If the admins boot me it will be out of FEAR!
Are you afraid?
Afraid of Vista, afraid of truth?
Afraid of self realization that your world is bigger than you are comfortable with, so you must toss out the outsider who tries to expand it? Hmmmmm
FEAR! That is what Linux is!"

What a way to live your life! I care. I'll try to help them, but they must want help first!

Great MacBook HotAir Commercial!

Maybe I should hire the guy who made this:

Maybe not, it was free.

Bean For a Zune Commercial?

I love this Bean guy, I've been thinking of using him for a Zune commercial:

I think this may work out pretty well! What do you people think?

My Supreme Court Day!

The WordPerfect case finally made it to the Supreme Court but none of our sharks believed that we would win. This negative attitude ticked me off, so I decided to present our closing argument my self! This is part of the transcript:

3.18.08 Novel vs Microsoft / Wordperfect case 14456b
Rep: SABallmer 3:10est def litigant close:

BALLMER: Your Highnesses, I will dismiss with formalities and get directly to the heart of the matter here.
These people (points to Novel lawyers) were once the owners of the majority software office suite, today they are not!
These people claim that Microsoft sabotaged parts of the Windows OS in order to make their software buggy, crash-prone, incompatible, slow and generally a pain to use! But I say to you today, is there a such thing as perfect software? Even IF! All their alleged allegations were true, even if, Microsoft operated in bad faith, even if, all of the evidence against us which you have seen today were unabashedly, undeniably, untenttaforabilly true! (pause, sips water)
None of it would matter! (longer pause, Ballmer sits)

JUSTICE GINSBERGH: Uh, Mr. Ballmer, we are waiting. Just why would such an abominable thing not matter?

BALLMER: (slowly rising) Because Your Greatnessess, WordPerfect and Quatro were an office suite. These people are suing us over our Operating system! There is no parity! An OS is not an office suite and an office suite only runs atop an OS! The suites hooks into the supporting system are dictated solely by those writing the office suite, what OS it run atop is only incidental to that codes functionality. The suite should be able to stand upon it's own API's and corpus delecti unum.

JUSTICE THOMAS: Just what are you trying ta' say bro?

BALLMER: I'm saying that the whole WordPerfect thing was already complete, utter, absolute, CRAP!
(All six Novel lawyers scream "OBJECTION!")

JUSTICE GINSBERGH: Sustained! .... That contention has not been placed into evidence Mr. Ballmer, please continue.

BALLMER: (shrugging) That's about it Your Garciousnessess!

JUSTICE GINSBERGH: (looks at other justices) Is THAT, all you have for this court today Mr. Ballmer?

BALLMER: I motion that any Justice who uses a Mac or Linux recuses themselves today!

(Justice Ginsburgh then put her head down on the desk)

NOVEL ATTORNEY: May we have a recess please!

JUSTICE SCALIA: Granted!
We lost today, but this lawyer stuff sure seemed to come naturally to me!

MSProtocol 23tt5blogv6.a:

I am sorry about the links exchange, I can understand the thousands of you wishing to exchange links with this blog but I can't. Even though I am "fake" blogging there are still several company protocols (which I created) which I am constrained by, namely:

MSProtocol 23tt5blogv6.a:
No salaried employee utilizing blogging services not hosted by MS shall have linking to other blogs other than those hosted by MS Sapces. The intent of said protocol being to channel users of other services to MS's.

Movie Ideas!

I was just fooling around in MSPaint '08 and I did these:

At first it was just a joke, until Speilberg came into the office to talk a little DRM when he saw the full size posters, he thought either would make a blockbuster!

Who'da thunk? ... well ME actually.

The Real Trouble With Steve Jobs!

Fortune Magazine's long and exhaustive story on "The Trouble With Steve Jobs" is a very good read! Here are a few of my favorite snippets:

"... traits that make him a g**** CEO drive him to put his company, and his investors, at risk."

"Jobs is also among the most controversial figures in business. He oozes smug superiority, lacing his public comments with ridicule of Apple's rivals, which he casts as mediocre, evil, and - worst of all - lacking taste. No CEO is more willful, or more brazen, at making his own rules, in ways both good and bad."

"After two years of working closely with Jobs, Sculley came to liken him to Russian revolutionary Leon Trotsky. In "Odyssey," his memoir of this period, he called Jobs "a zealot, his vision so pure that he couldn't accommodate that vision to the imperfections of the world."

It just goes on and on, like I said a very good article! BUT, I think the author somehow missed the #1 failing of this alpha iTard, you see Job's main failing is that he refuses to follow proven examples of success! He needs to woo, court, kiss-butt, wine and dine well ... ME!
These stupid publications have all strangely misidentified the prime influencer of technology in today's world! That is certainly not Jobs! It's me! He should strive to be more like Stephanous A. Ballmerfeld.

In a way I'm glad Jobs is blind to this glaring fact, he would truly be a worthy competitor if he did!

Mix '08 Fallout!

Ever since I got back from Mix08 I have been getting funny looks, snickers, avoidance and the hate mail has gone up by a good 55%! On top of that I have this crazy Ninja Chinaman on my case, Guy Kazikaki. It turns out that he is totally ticked off that I threw his MacBook Air onstage.
Bill insist that I buy him a new one and apologise.
Being the good soldier That I am I just sent him this e-mail:

Stephanous A. Ballmerfeld
1 MS Way
Redmond, WA 98077
Stev.Ballmer@Microsoft.com


To Guy Kaxikaki:
Guy I am sorry to hear that you were so distressed over certain occurrences at the interview during Mix '08.
I am more than certain that this is all due to a simple misunderstanding. You see I get a little excited in front of crowds and your Macbook which I borrowed for demonstration purposes simply slipped from my hands as I was attempting to return it to you. I can see how from your perspective it may appear to have bee thrown, I assure you it wasn't.
When I was horsing around trying to show how heavy it is, it's rapid descent to the floor was totally controlled and my full body weight was never on it. I was actually on my hands and knees.
I apologize for any stress you have experienced as a result of my little prank.
As for replacing your "laptop", I cannot do that. Please note that I as an executive of Microsoft am contractually forbidden from ever purchasing any Apple product. If there were any damage to your device I can replace it with any of hundreds of PC's running the wonderful, cutting edge Microsoft Vista operating system. Just specify what you want via return e-mail and it's yours!

S.A.B.
CEO Microsoft Corp.

Me Teaching Basketball and Life Lessons!

I'm in a basketball frame of mind in that I am in negotiations right now to buy the Seatle Sonics. I can't talk about it much right now so I just decided to post this video from '06 where I was teaching some Indian guy to play basketball and teaching him deep and abiding life lessons. Six minutes in watch me make 5 all net free throws in a row! I am not evil people!
btw: This same young man today works somewhere on the -24 basement level assisting the NtN's (Nasal-toned Nerds)

Jamming in The Sydney Opera House!

I'm in Sydney for a jam session with Bill and the rest of Balm! Bill figures this place has the best acoustics in the world so he has leased the entire place for the night. All I can say is it's kinda' creepy in here to me! We are going to be here all night and everything has this weird orange glow, but I must say he is right about the acoustics, when I came in I could hear the janitor humming as he mopped the stage a hundred yards away! It's going to be a long but enjoyable night. Sometimes being used to only getting 2 hours of sleep a day has it's advantages.

We will be recording using SUTU and StudioBand, I'll upload some of the results up on Virb.com/Balm/ next week.

Until then check out Balm, here is our first video:
"So Far Away From Home" by FSB! Enjoy!!!

The Original Fortune Cover!

This is the original March '08 Fortune Magazine cover just prior to a "call" from Jobs:

You will only see it here!

The Hellary PLOT!

Hellary said she was calling for the last time about the money I "owed" her for her campaign, so I decided to ask THE question that is on absolutely everybody's minds right now:

BALLMER: "Hillary, I will send you the ten million if you just answer one question for me:

How are you planning to shaft the Brother?

(I could hear her giggle a little, so I continued:)
With the remaining states, it is still numerically impossible for you to catch up! Yet you won't concede?
I know you and hubby well enough to know that something's up and it must be a lulu!
Bill says that you are going to do a: 'Don't disenfranchise the people of the great states of Florida and Michigan' speech! In other words: change the rules of the game because you are losing!
I can't quite agree with that theory though, you guys are sneakier than that! That whole obvious evil plot in my estimation is just a rouse to distract from your real game plan.
THEN it occurred to me, 'whatever happened to all of those FBI files you guys stole?'
Super-delegates! I get it now, that's how you know you have the super-delegates votes! Old fashoned BLACKMAIL!"

HELLARY: "But that would leave me looking like the bad gal Steve, but I must say you are partially there!"

BALLMER: "Ahhhh, you are letting your husband and flunkies plot the whole 'change the Florida/Michigan rules' thing!
hmmm ... at the last minute you will denounce the whole plot and claim to want a fair delagate count! Strictly by the rules!
YOU WILL LOOK LIKE A HERO! You will be the one who squashed the evil plot against the Black Man and then make him your water-toting VP!

HELLARY: "I didn't know you had it in you Steve!"

BALLMER: "Just one problem Hellary ..."

HELLARY: "My husband?"

BALLMER: "Yes! Won't he be ruined once you expose him and the conspirators?"

(She giggled again)
HELLARY: "I also plan on getting the 'divorcee'-vote Steve!"

BALLMER: "WOW! A four for one! You look like an honest hero, finally rid yourself of Bubba, you get the blackmailed nomination and Obama is proud to be your VP too! It's sheer evil genuis! - Check is in the mail Hillary!"

Mix'n up the Truth! 2 (video)

Mix'n up the Truth!

So I'm on stage at Mix'08 to be "interviewed", when out pops the iTard of the ages: Guy How's-ya-Saki, comes trotting out!
Ohhhhh! I hate this guy Guy! In the old days he used to clean our clocks and deride Windows to the Nth degree! ...And now he's up here on a stage with ME? (Somebody is gonna' get fired when this is over!)
How's-ya-Saki, came out swinging! But I gave as good as I got or better!

How's-ya-Saki: Mr. Ballmer, it's goooood to be wit 'cha today!
Ballmer: I wish I could say the same guy. (crowd laughs - I scored first)

How's-ya-Saki: Well, let's get right to it! How about that Google? (he's trying to get me angry)
Ballmer: We're in the game, and we're the little engine that could, just working away, working away, working away! In online, yeah, it's Google, Google, Google. I'd say we're the underdog. (the crowd aplauds)

How's-ya-Saki: What about Web Developers sir?
Ballmer: You want some love right here, right now? You want me to stand up and do that on the MIX stage?" (I screamed loudly, standing to cheers and pumping his fists) "You want to hear Web developers, Web developers, Web developers!" (I got a standing ovation then)

How's-ya-Saki: Well, (squirming in chair) Vista's a dog and yah don't got Yahoo! What 'cha gonna' dooooo? (the crowd boos)
Ballmer: (motioning for the crowd to calm down) If Vista's a dog, then it's a cross between a Great-Dane and a Timber Wolf! (applause) ... and the Yahoo thing is like being Bill Clinton on a date: one way or another, you are gonna have your way with 'em! (crowds laughs)

This was going really well! Seeing How's-ya-saki's MacBook HotAir on the coffee table (not a surface) between us, I grabbed it and fell to the floor like it was so heavy it dragged me down.

Ballmer: That thing is heavier than the Toshiba I use! It's missing half the features I need. Where's the DVD drive? I'll have a bake-off with my 'Tosh' and that thing backstage. (the crowd was laughing hysterically!)

Ballmer: I'll bet this thing can fly like a frisbee!
How's-ya-Saki: (lunging towards me, but tackled by my BlackWater guy) NOOOOOOOOO!

I then slung that thing just like a Frisbee out over the audience!
DANG! It's aerodynamic! It zipped a good 500' before hitting the rear concrete wall and exploding!
Upon seeing this the crowd was frenzied and started chanting: "BALLMAH! BALLMAH! BALLMAH! BALLMAH! ...."

I looked down at Guy What's-his-Saki, he was in a fetal position sobbing uncontrollablly, so I said to him: "Interview's over guy!"
I then jogged off the stage doing mi Ali air-punches!
NOW THAT WAS A CONVENTION!



btw: When giving an interview, It always helps to make sure that 90% of the audience works for you.

Did I deliver what I promised on Feb 13?

Hellary, The Devil and ME!

I got the call yesterday:

HILLARY: Steve! I need you to send me campaign donations NOW! This big eared black guy is kicking my tail! ... and after all I have done for those people! GAWD!

BALLMER: Hold on now! I sent you ten just as agreed!

HILLARY: You sent ten dollars you m*%#@&&# prick!

BALLMER: That was a “misunderstanding” (I snickered)

HILLARY: Listen you f*&^##@# retard, you don’t know who you are pissing-off here! I will bury you guys and that ^#@## Vista-crap you sell! SEND ME MY MONEY!!!!

At that point I simply could not take it any more! I have a hard and fast policy of appeasing these people for business sake which I rarely violate. But, at that moment I just didn’t care any more! She called Vista, crap! She had just gone too far! I sensed the desperation in her voice, if I were ever going to stand up for myself, now was the time! I just lost it! I screamed back into the phone:

BALLMER: You, you, you, poopie she-devil!!!
(I felt so relieved)

HILLARY: Are you comparing ME to the Devil!?

I sighed deeply,
BALLMER: I would never do that Hellary! I was comparing the Devil to you!!

*silence, silence, silence….*

HILLARY: Well! What about my money?

BALLMER: Check’s in the mail!
*click*

Loving CeBIT! BUT, Hating Germany!

I'm over here in Handover, Germany at the CeBIT Tech Show, I tell ya what, these people love me!
I keynoted today and it went over quite well. I just did my old "Save the Planet, Go Green" bit and they were eating out of my hand. I wowed 'em with one-liners like:

"When you look at non-travel power consumption in the world today perhaps PCs and IT are the most rapidly growing power consumers on the planet ..."
"We think we have a real responsibility ... to reduce power consumption by the IT industry,"

Next I did the old "fifth Dimension" on 'em:

"Over time, interacting with computers will be more and more like interacting with people. We'll still use keyboard and a mouse when it's most efficient. But at other times, you'll tell your device what you want it to do, or simply use a wave of your hand,"

I then waved my hand and all of the lights went off in the auditorium! I wave it again and they all came back on!
(Just as bribed the lighting director to do). Them crowd went ouuuuuu - ahhhhhh!

I then walked off stage (not waving).

As I went to my dressing room, I heard them saying,

"Ouuu Ahhh, dast heir Ballma hasten gotten der powwah! yah, yah!"


Dang these people are easy!
btw: I have taken over to top two floors of Raffles Vier Jahreszeiten — Hamburg, Germany, all curtains are drawn! I'll just pretend I'm back in Redmond for the next four days, because I HATE GERMANY!

Para Trazer as Melhores Pérolas Deste Que é sem Sombra de Dúvida!

I have been getting thousands of e-mails from South America, I thought I knew Spanish pretty well, but I couldn't seem to translate any of this! Even MSTranslator got less than 80%! My butler was passing by my desk one day and said, "Ahhh, portugese sir?" I said "these are from Brazil!" He replied, "they speak portugese in Brazil sir."

Whooda' thunk?
Now I can translate this stuff, THEY LOVE ME!
... anyhow here is a post from a major Brazilian Blog about me:

http://www.michelazzo.com.br/
Blog de Steve Ballmer
Enviado por admin em dom, 10/02/2008 - 00:59.
Autor de frases memoráveis como "Linux é um câncer", "Eu não sabia o que é monopólio até alguém me dizer" ou ainda "Google é uma ilusão", o CEO da Microsoft tem um blog... err... não é o verdadeiro mas é um blog sobre ele.. Steve Ballmer.

O blog The Secret Diary of Steve Ballmer é muito bem humorado e traz caricaturas e imagens engracadíssimas, além de notícias vistas com um ponto de vista totalmente diferente dele, "alguém" (que não sei quem é) encarna o fanfarrão do Ballmer para trazer as melhores pérolas deste que é sem sombra de dúvida, o bocó da tecnologia.

Acesse o blog (em inglês) clicando aqui e se divirta. Você irá adorar!
When I was there two years ago, no wonder they all looked at me funny whenever I spoke. I should really go back again, this time for Carniva'l