iPhone Troubles? - I Warned You People!

I hate to say "I told you so" but, because I care enough to do the things I don't like, I TOLD YOU SO!

Wait for the ZunePhone people! That's what's best for you!

WWJTKD?

I admit it, things haven't been going that well since I took "full control" of Microsoft from Bill. I was sitting and sulking at my desk, I was taking no calls, no visitors, ... nothing! Then Bill came in, (security does not stop him) he sat on my desk in that lotus position he likes, he looks at me with that stupid grin of his and said, "Problems Bubbillah?" (I hate it when he calls me that!)

BALLMER: "This job sucks! All of the fun is gone! Everybody hates me! ..... How did you do it?"
He sighed loudly, got off my desk and flopped down into my lazy-boy (I hate that). He then said,
"When things look crappy, think: What Would James Tiberius Kirk Do?"
BALLMER: "Are you talking about Star Trek again?"
GATES: "I'm serious, just pretend you are Captian Kirk! ... Just think of this office as the deck of NCC1701!"
I looked at him confused (that happens a lot);
GATES: "The Applegians are in the neutral zone, they are firing long-range Imamac beams at you and your warp drives go off-line! What do you do captain?"
BALLMER: "I raise shields and fire a full spread of photon torpedoes."
GATES: "The Linuxians are attacking you in a smaller yet powerful ship which you can't out maneuver, shields are down, what do you do Kirk?"
BALLMER: "I shut down all but life support and drift, they move in slowly, thinking I dead. Then I suddenly energize the phasers and blast them into oblivion!"
Gates: "The Googalites are threatening the Federation with a new NeutronSearch weapon for which you have no defense! How about it Jim?"
BALLMER: "I pretend to want to negotiate and set up a meeting with them, when they appear I modulate the frequency of the shields and beam their crew to the brig and their senior staff into space!"
GATES: "Now do you get it tatta-head?"

I got up, walked over to my window, smiled and said,
"This is going to be fun!"
I turned to thank Bill, he was gone!

Microsoft Granted Patent For "Page Up" "Page Down"

United States Patent 7,415,666
Sellers , et al. August 19, 2008
Method and system for navigating paginated content in page-based increments

Abstract
A method and system in a document viewer for scrolling a substantially exact increment in a document, such as one page, regardless of whether the zoom is such that some, all or one page is currently being viewed. In one implementation, pressing a Page Down or Page Up keyboard key/button allows a user to begin at any starting vertical location within a page, and navigate to that same location on the next or previous page. For example, if a user is viewing a page starting in a viewing area from the middle of that page and ending at the bottom, a Page Down command will cause the next page to be shown in the viewing area starting at the middle of the next page and ending at the bottom of the next page. Similar behavior occurs when there is more than one column of pages being displayed in a row.

Inventors: Sellers; Timothy D. (Bellevue, WA), Grantham; Heather L. (Redmond, WA), Dersch; Joshua A. (Redmond, WA)
Assignee: Microsoft Corporation (Redmond, WA)
Appl. No.: 11/073,189
Filed: March 4, 2005
Current U.S. Class: 715/251 ; 715/200; 715/243

---

I love the patent office! Next "respiration or walking!"

I'm not gonna' make you all pay us just yet.

The Death of Steve Jobs!

I was extremely saddened on Friday morning to read in Bloomberg of the death of my good friend and worthy competitor Steven Malik Jobs.

Steve was a unique person who did a half decent job of bringing Apple computer (which he started) back from obscurity to near obscurity. I always knew this moment would come, but somehow I am surprised but my reaction: depression.

It's hard to explain, not having Jobs around. It's like that corn I had on my pinkie toe, it hurt, it was hard, I used to soak it every evening, I'd scrape it, pick at it, yet it still hung on! One day after it healed, I realised I missed it.

 I will miss picking on Jobs, he gave me something to do in the afternoon.

Seriously; I will miss Steve.

I am not evil

Getting Serious About Windows Geniune Advantage!

The newest version of WGA will get mean again!
I'm getting sick and tired of all you thieves out there with pirated versions of Windows! My momma always told me,
"theft is theft sonny!"
We have coddled some of you long enough and now it's time to MAKE you pay! You won't buy Vista like you should, so by hinkey! You will pay for XP! (98.525% of honest people need not worry).

Windows Genuine Advantage!

Advantage - Microsoft.

Trial Balloon Poster. - Seinfeld

My ad agency did a presentation for Stev-o today, he liked this one best:


What do you guys think?
You, with the mole, in the back .....

A Linux Guy Gets Something Right!

Some guy named NICHOLAS PETRELEY (who is apparently a big deal in Linux circles) wrote a very thoughtful article for CIO.com.
He came about as close to the truth as I have ever heard any Linuxtard come, he wrote:

Why Steve Ballmer Will Make Microsoft Good for SOA!
"One of the best things to happen for Microsoft customers worldwide is the retirement of Bill Gates. Criticize me if you will, and I'm sure the following opinions will be the source of much consternation among my peers and among open-source advocates, but I believe Steve Ballmer will be a positive influence overall for Microsoft and its customers. How much of a positive influence is open to debate, especially since Gates still has a great deal of influence. It's not a slam dunk; any executive decision Ballmer makes could still get vetoed by Gates. But Ballmer is in too comfortable a position to act only as a puppet. It's not like Ballmer needs his job, so some of his own ideas are bound to poke through the Microsoft legacy business model."

"Steve Ballmer is also realistic enough to know when it is time to break the mold. He may talk like a rabid dog when he is wearing his marketing hat, but he is not above making an unpopular decision (unpopular at Microsoft, that is) if he feels it is in the company's best interest."

... A Linux using journalist, almost getting to the truth! I am at a loss for words right now, I'll have to have my personal staff PI, Jack Stone look into this guy.

Windows not Walls! - Seinfeld

You people (as my new buddy Stev-o likes to say) need to stop, think, wonder, muse, ponder, ruminate! "Just why don't I like Windows Vista?"
Think now, who told you,
"oh oh oh! Vista is bad dude, stay back!"
Was it Herbie the nerd at the deli? Your drooling cousin Shandra? Or maybe Morty the scalper?
If you really think about it, I guarantee you that whoever it was (these people with "OPIN-YONS") are the type people that YOU don't want to be!
So just deflate for a moment, stop, think, wonder, muse, ponder, ruminate!
"Why would I listen to somebody whom I would not even invite to my ex-wives birthday party?"
These people look at Windows and only see the walls!
I say "here, look, it prints!" They say, "but not on bricks!"
I say "seeee Morty, the Internet!" He says, "not enough porn for me dude!"
Where doooo do do these people come from? Instead of lookin' out of the window, they complain about the walls!

Steve didn't hire me as the new "ad guy" for Microsoft, I volunteered! The whole ten million dollars thing is just that, a thing! Things are everywhere, here is a thing, there is a thing, short things, fat things, ugly things, round things, multimillion dollah things, ugly things, ... it's just a thing!

Stev-o told me about this little thing going on on his "SECRET BLOG" here, boy do I love this concept:
"I am not me pretending to not be me pretending to be me!" Ouy! I need a seltzer!

Stev-o, gave me his spare keys to this blog, so every once in a while when I stop, think, wonder, muse, ponder, ruminate ... something up I tap it in.
Tell yo' friends, I gotta' earn these ten big-uns!

Zune Petition Still Growing!

Sianlee (king of Zunes), a member of Zunescene is sponsoring an online petition to get us to ship Zunes worldwide.
His Petition here. - The forum post here.
I have e-mailed Sianlee (king of Zunes), but he has blocked my mail. I guess he was offended by the last time I wrote him and said something about Aussies being inconsequential or something. However, I support his posting of the petition, we here at Microsoft love to hear from our customers, especially potential customers. I gaurantee that if his petition generates a sufficient number of signers we will act on it!
We will also take any free advertising however we can get it!

Please sign it, mention this blog, I'll give you brownie points or cash, your choice.

New, Better, Great, Enterprise Licensing!

Just a sampling from my recent ComputerWorld Interview:

..."No. No. I don't agree with that. I don't actually believe customers like choices. What customers like is a good, low price. That's what customers really like.
Choices? Some people like choices. Some people say, "With all these choices, I never know whether I did the right thing. Did I buy what I needed to buy?"

..."I've got plenty of customers who tell me, "This is going to cost me more money." And then, when I actually look at their purchase history, I can prove to 'em it's going to cost 'em less. And I have customers who say that "It's going to cost me more money," and I look at their purchase history, and you know what? It is going to cost them somewhat more. But at least it's a rational and predictable framework. "

..."If people want us to take more of it on the front end and take less on the back end, OK. We'll do it."

..."The prices are appropriate, is what I would say. ... I can make the percentage go down. We'd just increase the prices of all the products."

Shaolin Temple! WOW!

With my Olympics trip almost over, I asked Kintukamuintchu (my liaison) to take me some place interesting and she brought me here to the Shaolin Temple just south of Bejing. I thought this place was just something off the old Kung Fu tv series, but it's real! .. and I'm here!
Kin asked me what I knew about Kung Fu, I responded,
"Everything! Qui Chang Kane had to flee to America after one of the royals blamed him and master poe for the death of ...."
She said, "Not the show sir! I mean Kung Fu?"
I said, "I have been taking lessons from Master Bobby for years! I'm pretty good too!"
She asked to see my favorite "attack stance." She took this picture:
I think she was impressed!
She told me that Chinese laugh when they are impressed, remember that people!

Obama Picks the WRONG Guy!

You common people have probably found out by now that Barak has chosen Joe (cynical) Biden as his VP. I knew this a week before you people when Barak ZunePhoned me (I sent one to all of the candidates) to apologise for not choosing me! He said:
BARAK: "Steve, I just couldn't do it! All of my advisers were dead set against choosing you. They just could not see placing a Vistacrat on the dem ticket. I personally would have preferred you over the alternatives sir, we don't agree on much, but you have a passion rarely seen in political circles!"
BALLMER: "I'm sorry son but you have made a bad choice here! You see my sources tell me that Joe is just a Hellary-puppet! Watch yo' back muh man! You can never count those people out!"
BARAK: "Your warning is duely noted sir, after my last conversation with you I did some research as you suggested on that 'Clinton Body Count' thing and I've doubled security around me! Hellary will be pissed!"
BALLMER: "Triple it man! I'll personally send over seven of my BlackWater Bodyguards!"
BARAK: "Is it really that serious sir?"
BALLMER: "Did you look into the Ron Brown investigation?" I then Zuned him my Ron Brown report (I have one on everybody)

........silence as he read it .......

BARAK: (In a shaky tone) "Thank you sir, thank you! You are a great American! Thank you! I'm doubling security again, .... and send as many of your people as you like! Thank you sir, thank you, ....."
BALLMER: "Barak, are you crying?"
BARAK: "I just realised, you may be the only real friend I have!"

... I got a little misty eyed too.




I am not evil

I'm Not Steve Ballmer Pretending Not To Be Me!

Once again: let's just get that straight:
I have decided to get into this blogging thing with the rest of you people so I can straighten out some of the FUD out there about me. My image has been tarnished as of late by certain ner-do-wells an haters.
In the next few months I will set all of this crap straight, especially the Google and Apple crap!
You people should check in with me every few days to see what my thoughts are, you will learn a few things.

Zune ROCKS!

Sitting By The Dock of the Dell ....

Good idea Dell! But from now on leave the software design to us!

Mac or PC Rap! - Don't ask ...

I know, I know .... but for some reason I liked it, so I posted it.

EVIL Still Plotting, Scheming, Foaming at Mouth ....

I am one of those guys who finds politics totally repugnant and distasteful. My philosophy has been to pay off both party's to stay the hell away from me and my company and over the years this has worked pretty well. Then Hellary decided to run for president and everything changed!
I sabotaged her campaign by donating 1000 Celeron computers running Vista Ultimate to her campaign! Now she is out for revenge! She calls, she stalks! She called this morning, she was gloating:

"Have you heard monkey-boy? I control the convention! Bill is speaking, I am speaking, Chelsea is speaking, heck my illegal Honduran maid is speaking! I've got them to agree to a roll call vote of delegates! The Negro believes I support him! Muahahahahaha, those people are soooo gullible! He has no idea! No idea at all! I'm gonna be his VP whether he wants me or not! My delegates will override his VP choice and use a little known convention rule to insert me! Muahahahaha, ... and once I'm in power Monkey-boy, your a%$ is mine! I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!"

At that point, my ZunePhone burst into flames!
This sore, evil pestilence must be stopped people! It never occurred to me that she could "force" her way onto the ticket! My people have verified that it is possible!

I'm scared!

By the way, if this happens, how long do you think a president Obama would last?
I'm going to Temple, then church, then Mosque tonight! My petition:
"deliver us from EVIL!"

China Rocks! - Reporters Suck!

Everywhere I go over here the press keeps hounding me about,
"Google gPhone! Waddaya think Steve?" I just say, "they're losers, it doesn't matter to me!"
"Dis one, dat one, says you were a sucker with the FaceBook deal! Waddaya think Steve?"
I just say, "it is what it is guys, just chill! We are in China, look at that roof, look at that great wall, ... "
I'm just going to deal with the stuff going on over here, you know, little things like say, communism, emerging markets, infrastructure, free trade, rampant IP theft, ecology, economy, Lie-nuts penetration, persecution, corruption, Olympics, tourism, international relations, .... you know, the little stuff!
I'm having a good time right now, I'll get back to destroying Gaggle when I get back home.

Existe uma edição do Windows Vista perfeita para você

Good "I'm a Mac" Ads

Village People vs YouTube!

"Somebody combined the Village People's hit song, "YMCA," with footage of a dancing Adolf Hitler and posted the clip to YouTube. Now the company that owns the rights to the band's music is preparing to sue YouTube.
John Giacobbi, president of Web Sheriff, which hunts down pirated material on the Web and tries to get it removed, said his company has sent 500 "take-down" notices to YouTube. Each time the video is pulled, someone else uploads another copy. Giacobbi believes that YouTube has the ability to screen for copyright content in the same way it does for pornography"
They are absolutely right! How can these videoTards do such a good job of controlling porn but not pirated music and videos?
It makes no sense at all and they will lose in court BIG TIME!

I LOVE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE!

I remember when I was in college, going to their concerts in my plumber outfit. I danced the night away, pipewrenchs in both hands, eyes closed, spinning and skipping, waving my arms wildly .....
"YMCA--- fun to be at the YMCA ---- YMCA--- go to the YMCA ----"
When the song was over, I'd open my eyes and see that I was dancing so good that everyone else had cleared the floor and they were just staring at me.
ahhhhh, Those were the days ..... I was such a Macho, Macho man!

Stephen Colbert, Funny Up Until 6:12!

The Comedy Central stuff is mildly amusing, but sometimes they just go to far! Saying the Zune does "nothing" is not funny or remotely true!
... at least he pointed out the fact that Apple has a KILL SWITCH in the iPhone!
Tell me, do you want a phone with a remote KILL switch? Not if you live in this world baby!

Boycott Apple! Boycott the candy-colored computer pansies NOW!



I am not evil

Thanks Todd

BigFoot Found! - NOT!

Please do not believe any of this crapola! There are no BigFoots in Georgia!
I live up here in Washington State and I have seen BigFoot several times. He has a regular seasonal migration route that he takes across the north forty of my estate, headed for Canada. Last year when I saw him headed north, we even waved at each other.

Only the most gullible of the gullible would believe that three Georgia 'bacca-chewing, rednecked good 'ol boys actually have a bigfoot body in their cabin freezer! hmmmm .... then again, some people believe Macs are better than Windows based computers. My conclusion: SAME CROWD!

China Olympics Trip Going Great!

Dang! The Chinese went all out on this Olympics thing, just one major flaw, I saw Vista nowhere other than on my entourage's laptops! "This country will never fully emerge without it!" I'm talking to all of my friends about it. Still I'm having a good time:

Dell On The Rebound!

I once mistakenly said (yes I made a mistake) that the iMac was a decent computer if Vista is installed. Let me now correct that,
"The iMac was a decent computer, but it has now been made totally obsolete by the Dell XPS aio!"
The iMacs anchor was all of this OSX stuff that held it back. Dell seeing this as an opportunity went back to the drawing board and created the XPSaio, a truly revolutionary computer which was in no way whatsoever influenced by that old boxy iMac!

My personal congratulations to Michael Dell and the team for this break through!
Ten to One that Jobs and the iTards come out with some kind of imitation of this truly unique design!

Fire At Apple Campus!

I knew that Apple employees have been complaining about the squalid, sub-human working conditions in Cuppertino for years, but going this far is a real cry for help!

Be humane, Boycott Apple products!

Hellooooo BeJing!

I originally did not plan to attend any of the Olympics this time, my people told me that it would make me look "sensitive to the needs of the oppressed peoples of Asia," ... whatever.I've been here before, but the whole place is newer and cleaner this time. I have never met so many people soooo happy to meet me either. I can't believe I was being all "sensitive" and missed the first couple of days!
These Chinese guys are really on the ball too, it's almost as if they knew I was coming. Everybody else who is anybody is here too: Gorby, Bill, Marlo, Frampton, Cheney, Vladimir, Demi, Bill, Sting, ... and now to top it off ME!
I'm trying to keep it low key though (paired my entourage down to sixteen), I think I'm failing. The Chinese have assigned me a crowd with banners, they follow me everywhere.
I wish I would have sent MSZuneFan a ticket, we would have made up.
Wish all you Zunites and NTN's were here! (not really)

Apple Nearing 666a Trip!

Everywhere I look there is only good news for Apple:

Leopold Record orders!
iMac Sales off the charts!
IPod Sales Still on Rise!
iPhone 3G mania!
Stock Price climbing weekly!
New Stunning MacPro Coming!
Laptop Sales Growing!
Apple market-share over 8%
Yada yada yada ......

All I can say is "watch yourself Mr. Jobs!"
Why?
Well here at MS we have had Protocol 666a in place for the last 12 years, it reads thusly:

"Any competing company which threatens the MS business model by exceeding 10% OS market-share and/or having quarterly revenues exceeding 25% of MS quarterly revenues shall be targeted for elimination for market contention by any means necessary. Said company being....”

Protocol 666a is built into all of our systems and business models and is implemented automatically whenever the offending companies trip it! Apple is getting close! I'm a nice guy though and am formally issuing this warning, "tone down your growth Mr. Jobs, by that I mean your OS! If you value your pretty little candy coated company that is, you haven't seen us get ugly yet!"

Infringement? - yeah, right!

I got this email:

"Steve, as a former 11-year employee of Microsoft, I was dismayed to find a Microsoft photo contest which encourages image piracy. Here is the e-mail that I have recently sent:
====================================
Dear Sirs,
This is an instruction that Microsoft remove from the Iconic Britain website the images I’ve found that are the copyright of Donald E. Hall and which are clearly labeled as such. What you fail to realize is that by removing a link back to the originating website you are no longer covered by in-line linking protections afforded under the Google judgement and are therefore in clear breach of copyright. My images are located at the following links on the iconic Britain website:
www.iconicbritain.co.uk/search.aspx?q=nwphotoguy with filenames:

173877230_8dfc65713e.jpg
176051217_f7f73e0bc6.jpg
2554869710_30d50c7468.jpg
2554055231_4b72e126af_m.jpg

Your usage of my images in connection with your promotion is not “fair use” nor is it “fair use” as it refers to search engines. Furthermore, your competition encourages others to breach the copyright of photographers by entering into the competition, images that do not belong to them and thereby, potentially, gaining from their unlawful use.
I did not give Microsoft permission to use these images on the Iconic Britain website and by doing so they are infringing my copyright. Please ensure that Microsoft remove all my copyrighted images immediately from the Iconic Britain website. I also require a written assurance saying that Microsoft’s Live Search will not in the future use any of my copyrighted images on any other website without my written permission to do so.
Although this contest applies to images, I fail to see any difference from that of Software Piracy, an issue that Microsoft has been at the forefront of suppressing for years.

Sincerely,

Donald E. Hall"

My response:
"Knock yourself out guy!"

"Fake Steve Ballman"

Simsons '09 introduces a new neighbor, his name;
"Fake Steve Ballman".
I wonder where thay got the inspiration?

He Icahn'd Sixty Minutes too!

The Icahn Lift
Everytime a Sixty Minutes crew shows up to ask me questions I end up having to have their crew roughed up by my Blackwater guys and thrown off premisses! Getting these people to do a positive story is impossible for me, how does Icahn do it?
He shafted me, Yahoo, Google, .... the guy is good! But I swear by my sainted Ga'mamm that I'm going to get even! I'll never forget when he bragged:

Isaac and Bernie!

This has been one bad week for talent! First Bernie Mac dies, then muh man Isaac Hayes!
I can't tell you what Isaac meant to me (I've seen Shaft 54 times) and Bernie would get pretty crude on stage but he was still likable.

You people may not believe this but I actually used to dress like Hayes back in the seventies! I would wear my platforms, puffy sleeved shirts and skintight pants, under my fur coat and go club'n down on the south side. Needless to say this was only a phase, but what a phase!
I liked Bernie's television show too! I found his insights on kids and parenting to be very insightful. The one lesson from him that I remember the best is,

"Make yo kids f'n scadd of you! They listen up then!"

I took that to heart, more at work than at home, at home I'm scadd of my wife. She watched the show too!

Goodnight gentlemen!

Until the ZunePhone ....

The BlackBerry Javelin:

Now this thing has a keyboard!

Anybody Wanna' Make Some Money?

Over the next four months we will be buying back $20,000,000,000 of Microsoft stock!
The current stock price and earnings ratio is the lowest in the history of Microsoft, a great buying opportunity for both you and us! Since the Yahoo deal crashed and burned, we have a glut of cash with nowhere to go, so I told the bean-counters, "Well, we are the best investment I know of!"
The Buy back will certainly cause the price to go up!


This is my way of apologizing for the last two years, take it, cash always helps!

Introducing the ZuneSphere!

After seeing such a positive reception for the Sphere Surface Computer, it occurred to me that this could be a great form factor for the next Zune too. So I called up the Iraqi scientist on level -53 again and asked them to make a 3.5" one running Zune software!

They surfaced this morning with this!
They were very excited about the results and being above ground again. I thanked them and sent them back down.
(They think that Saddam is still alive and looking for them, who am I to burst their bubbles?)
As a reward for such great and quick work, I'm giving them the evening off and sending down three goats.


ZuneSphere! What do you think?

Hellary and the Girls Scheming Together!

I think that I have made my opinion of the "Evil From Arkanas" clear. I was surprised to see this video where Hellary and a group of her "supporters" pretend to be having a nonrehearsed q&a about how to force Obama to put her on the ticket.

Let me repeat this:

"My disdain for you Hellary has nothing to do with you supposedly being a woman! I love women and would vote for one for president readily. But, I would never vote for anybody just because of gender: think back to you and Bill's administration, all of the spies, lies, corruption, deaths, smears, immorality, backstabbing, laws broken, drugs, bribes, Chinese spies, payoffs, character assasinations, assasinations, investigations, using dead people, theft, obfescations, stealing china, destruction of public property, threats to bimbos, assaults, rape accusations, sex not sex, asprin factory murders, tyrant coddling, Whitewatering, Rose law firming, missing files, DNA disapearance, Foster bodies, Lies in diaries, lawyers commiting suicide, hidden agendas, payoffs, Luewinskiing, coverups, mismanagements, bodies in the parks, bodies in the cell, bodies in the water, bodies on train tracks, nuclear secrets being sold, FBI files stolen, hiring bouncers to rough up people, blackmailings, travel office scandals, stealing Whitehouse furniture, double talk, cult genocides, document shreading, planes crashing, Ron Brown coverups, document suppressions, (I went on for about five more minutes)..... all with YOU, Hellary right smack dab in the middle either orchestrating, enabling or covering up!"

Ballmer for somebody's VP!

Paris, Funny?

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

People like this so I'm posting it too!
At MS we believe in giving people what they want.

ZunePhone! ZunePhone! ... closer .... closer ...closer!

ZunePhone, ZunePhone, ZunePhone, ZunePhone, ........
That's all I seem to hear from everybody where ever I go! As I told you people back in July, "ZunePhone is getting closer!" It's closer than it was back then by several months.
I can confirm that among the massive feature list of the "ZuP" (as I like to call it) will be:

4g Network capability
FM Radio
Clock
Lo-res GPS
Terra-Server DirectAccess
WhisperPhone Technology
Volume Control
SilverLight Animation
IE 8 (Light Edition)
IndirectBuy Technology
Micropedia

The list goes on and on and on .......
That's why it's taking us so long, we are doing this the Microsoft way! RIGHT!
Sure Apple sent over their little snitches and sneak-thieves and stole our ZuP Alpha Mock ups (which they used to make the iPhone), but we will let that slide.

Get the "Real Thing!" Zup! Coming closer, closer, closer, closer, clo...........

Jobs' Fall From Grace!

How doe's it feel Steveyboy? This Mobile me software is reviled by the entire industry as "under-performing", lackluster, bad, weak, incompatible, .... Sounds familiar to me guy! But it's not me, it's you!
You got sooo used to making your perfect, stylish, amazing, cute little kiddy devices and everything seemed to be a hit! Everybody said they loved you, you were on all the big magazine covers. THEN, one little slip and you are an idiot, a clown, a stupid raving dancing Monkey-boy without a plan and enemies closing in on your rotting carcass, and then ..... well never mind!

Welcome to my world iTard! How does it feel?

What Bill Said about the Zune!

MSZuneFan! Come Back Home!

MSZuneFan has abandoned the Zune in favor of the iPod!
All of his accusations in this video are obviously untrue!

Listen up ZuneFan, everybody gets let down every now and then, even me! Take the Yang thing, the Gates thing, the MS Stock price thing, the Vista adoption thing, the red screen xBox thing, the iCahn thing, the Google thing, the iPod Thing, the iPhone thing, all of the new viruses, hackers, phishers, switchers, .... etc. You would think these few problems would get me down? But far from it! I KNOW that Microsoft is right! I know that people need our products, want our products, love our products! Most just don't know it!
This energizes me!
I don't just give up! I fight back! I conquer!

MS ZuneFan! Come back home! .... daddy isn't mad.

Idiots Abound!

Ballmer For VP!

I was in Washington on Saturday and was greeted by the local Vistacrats! They want me to become somebody's VP. McCain or Obama, it makes no difference, the point is to stop Hellary no matter what!
If Obama picks Hellary I will run with the old guy (garunteeing a win), but if Obama picks me Hellary has still been stopped!

I was elated to see so many who agree with me!

I greeted them, "this train is picking up steam people! ... all the way to the Whitehouse with, well, whoever!"
The crowd went wild.

Lynch Mob Forming at Yahoo Board Meeting!

At the Yahoo Shareholders meeting things started getting really ugly once the floor was opened to shareholders who all but physically assaulted the Yahoo Board of Detractors! The very first shareholder said:
“You are overpaid for executive compensation, you overplayed your hand with Microsoft and have overstayed your welcome as a director! You clowns should all step down!”
Chairman Bostick screamed back, "NO!"
As the day wore on the crowd became more and more aggressive: they questioned why the board turned me down, why Icahn wasn't there, why they only got blank stares for responses, .... the anger was palpable.

Icahn, explaining his absence said,
"I will not be attending. The proxy fight is over and it will not do shareholders or Yahoo! any good to have the annual meeting turn into a media event for no purpose. Last week, I realized it was impossible to gain enough support from the large institutions to win a majority of the Yahoo! directorships. In today’s corporate governance system where large mutual funds control so much of the stock, it is extremely difficult to oust an entire board, no matter how strongly a large number of shareholders feel about the board’s previous actions. Realizing I could not gain control, I saw no point in spending the final two weeks in a debilitating fight, where little would be accomplished except to build animosity between both camps and the end result would be no better than the compromise that was reached.
I believe both gentlemen genuinely wish that we will be able to work together to enhance value. While we still disagree on many points, I have great hope “this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

If this meeting concludes without the crowd rushing the stage, dragging these clowns into the streets and stringing them up, I will be surprised!

Come Work For Microsoft!