So, I decided to accept a speaking engagement at the Corvinus University of Hungary (yes they have one, one!)I figured,
"how hard could this be, they're Hungarians!. I should be greeted as a god by Hungarians, right? Who the heck goes to Hungary?"
Well, I found that I walked into an Hungarian ambush!
Before I could even get warmed up good, some Hungarian moron got up and started yelling some kinda' goulash at me, he threw three eggs, I took cover. The guy was escorted out and I regained my classic composure, the goat smelling Hungarians laughed:
WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWARDS:
The kid was taken to a back room where he was being held by a campus security guy and my Blackwater Bodyguard #6.
I told the university staff that I was concerned about him and wanted to speak to him personally. He was handcuffed and tied down to a chair. As everyone left so I could have my little "talk" with this poor troubled soul, I instructed BWBG#6, "Nobody gets in here for the next 45 seconds!", he said, "I understand sir."
The rest of my story goes like this:
"I approached the kid and he became irrational! He screamed, tipped his chair over backwards, slammed his head into the wall several times! I tried helping him up by the neck, but he tried to bite me! I released him and he fell to the floor hitting his head on my shoe (several times)! Boy was I glad to get out of there! That guy was crazy."
The Hungarian authorities have assured me that he will never do anything like this again.
My staff PI, Jack Stone, has given me an initial report on the Hungarian egging incident. He believes there is more here than meets the eye! Reasons:
1. The two men sitting beside the egger's composure throughout the incident leads one to conclude that they knew what was going to happen. The smirk and smile just prior to the egger standing to interrupt. One of them has a Macbook, this is the most suspicious activity of all, a dead give-away of malevolence!
2. The egger did not throw a third egg, he simply waved his "chicken wing" arm, yet another egg hit the wall directly above me. There was a 2nd egger at the back of the lecture hall!
The egger is in the "custody" of the Hungarian Security Ministry, they say, "he won't talk! He's like a zombie or something!"
Conclusion: he is an Apple Cultist!
The other conspirators are as yet unidentified, although we suspect the suspect 2 is an Apple Store Genius.
Jack is on the job! He always gets his nerd!
You boys may as well turn yourselves in right now.
My PI, Jack Stone is unraveling a web of mystery and intrigue that nobody expected!
This is from his latest report:
"The incident where a student threw eggs at Mr. Ballmer in Hungary goes far beyond the borders of those yak-eaters! This appears to have been part of a larger plot to overthrow the very government of Hungary, weaken the Euro, destabilize the European union and usher in the fourth Reich! - The investigation continues!"
"Microsoft Facial Enhancement Software has identified the "second-egger" - John Lehr, known as the Geico Caveman!
Lehr, who has been in hiding ever since the HUGE failure of the Caveman Sitcom (Wow, that stunk!) was in his caveman disguise and was for reasons unknown at present a part of this conspiracy to embarrass Mr. Ballmer. Mr. Lehr is also a known member of an extreme faction of the Screen Actors Guild, known as Opus SAG. His whereabouts are unknown. Geico had no comments."
Getting to the truth for hire:
Jack Stone, PI
